I really couldn’t describe what I was feeling in any words that I tried to put together. No word could describe the pain that I was experiencing at the realisation that it had been Baldovino who had Oliver killed. I couldn’t wrap my around around how I didn’t see it before because it seems so obvious, but how could he do something this evil? I knew that he was capable of a lot, but I didn’t think that he would ever go as far as hurting me to this extent. Everyone was right, Italian man are nothing but selfish and willing to stop at nothing to get what they want. I just wish that it hadn’t been me, but then I ask the question; if it wasn’t me, then who would it have been? Some other innocent woman out there would’ve been in my shoes and as painful as this situation is, I couldn’t wish it on anyone else.
Oliver had done nothing but love me as unconditionally as I had loved him, yet his life was taken away from him as if he meant nothing. Oliver had to die in order for Baldovino to get what he wanted and instead of me knowing better, I fell into his arms and let him whisk me away, never once putting up a fight and putting some distance between us. Even though I knew that there was nothing that I could do to change this situation, I couldn’t help but feel like I should’ve known better and should’ve done better.
After I kicked Paisley out of my office, I spent hours sitting on the floor, crawled into a ball and crying at what my life had become. These past few weeks had me distracted and I hadn’t thought about Oliver in a long time but my wound was cut open yet again and I couldn’t help but experience the grief all over again. I was the reason that Oliver was dead, simply because I had been the one that he loved and he had been the one that I loved. I knew Baldovino was capable of a lot of evil, but it amazed me that what he had done to me, took me by surprise.
The sun had set and even then I stayed on the floor until I couldn’t anymore. My body moved robotically and I began to make my way out of the office, followed and protected by my soldiers as they led me to the car. Suddenly, the sight of the custom Range Rover that had arrived just a few weeks ago simply sickened me. I had sold my life for a little bit of extra cash and I would never be able to take any of it back.
I faced the door, my eyes looking outside but I wasn’t looking at anything. I was lost in denial, thoughts, doubts, grief, misery, regret and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. My body felt as though I had been run over by a pick-up truck and I was struggling to pick up the pieces. I didn’t know how I was going to face anyone after this; I wasn’t even sure if I was going to be able to face myself in the mirror. The thought of having to face Baldovino after this only defeated me further because I knew that he wouldn’t show any remorse, and he wouldn’t bother to care at all about me.
My body numbly moved, following the direction of the soldiers as we walked to the elevator and entered my penthouse. They left me alone and I robotically made my way to my bedroom, wanting to just tuck myself into bed with the covers all around me and shield myself from the harm of the world that seemed to only have it out for me. I entered my bedroom but stopped in my steps as my eyes were met with Baldovino’s figure standing on my balcony. My glass wall made it easy to take in the breath taking view of the city of New York and its skyscrapers and the horizon, and all of the bit.
I enjoyed the view from my bedroom balcony and it was amazing to be met with that sight first thing in the morning and the last thing to look at before I close my eyes. But now, seeing Baldovino standing on my balcony, his suit jacket laid carefully on my bed as he leaned against the balcony and looked at the sight, it didn’t look quite as beautiful; only haunting.
For a moment I thought that upon seeing him, I would be angry and upset- livid and willing to take his life but all I felt at the moment was fear. The kind of fear where you couldn’t even breathe. A part of me wanted to turn around and leave but another part of me wanted to approach him and…see what happens next?
