Sleepless in Seoul ✓

9.

The memory comes back to me in a dream.

The dream is so vivid and I'm aware that I am dreaming, because it's a long forgotten memory of the past.

First all I see is a blur of color and shapes, but suddenly I am back in the corridors of Korean Arts High School. It's my senior year, and I wasn't aware of the secret my mom was keeping from me, about the illness that was shortening her lifespan, at least not until halfway through midterms when I would be silently driven to the hospital my mom had been admitted to by trusty old Mr. Joo.

 I blame myself for being so oblivious back then. I blame myself for being just like my father, immersed in her own world while her loved ones struggle and battle with their demons alone.

All my life, my wish was to be a chameleon because the Im name was too heavy for me to carry. Back then, I was too focused to  avoid drawing attention to myself at school and just live in a world I created inside my mind, so much so that I didn't even know my own mother had been diagnosed with brain cancer.

At school, I was someone who never sought to stand out. While I got good grades, I wasn't one of those popular kids. Well, maybe everyone did know whose daughter I was but that's just like being famous by association.

But there was this boy, this charming Busan transfer who had come to Seoul after being selected as an idol trainee.

 I didn't know much about him, not even his name and that's not because I'm a social recluse but because of the fact that our school had a lot of students and even though we were in the same grade, he wasn't an Art Department student.

A friend of mine was the one who told me about him, pointing him out one day while we were eating in the school cafeteria. 

She nudged and pointed at a bespectacled boy, with carefully messed up mop of brown hair and a very large, almost blinding smile who was animatedly talking to a bunch of students.

He was popular apparently, a crowd pleaser.

She also told me that she suspected he had a crush on me, because whenever he saw me or passed me in the corridors, he would blush and stare. I had no idea about this, being the lost-in-her-own-world girl I was.

My dream takes me back to one late evening.

I am in the art room, painting, when I realise it has grown dark. While some people might be attending night classes, my class was dismissed hours ago yet I asked my teacher for permission to stay back.

I can't stop once I begin a project and thus it resulted in me staying back after class a lot. The teachers never minded.

After I lock up the classroom and proceed to leave, I hear faint music while I trudge along in the corridor. The music leads me straight to the Dance Department's dance studio.

I creak open the door slightly and my eyes fall on someone spinning like a top, white t-shirt drenched and almost see through as he dances like he's gliding,  so graceful that my eyes refuse to tear themselves from the boy.

I don't recognize him at first, but when he notices my presence and halts mid step, wide eyes meeting mine, I know it's the popular boy with a charming smile. His glasses are missing though.

"You should head home, it's late." I say.

He sheepishly switches off the music, his gait suddenly turning awkward as he grabs his bag and bottle and hastily scrambles to switch off the lights.

His actions are endearing, making me crack a smile, a real one which I usually reserve for my mom.

We fall in step together as we walk through the corridors, but I don't turn to to right to exit the school building but rather walk on, heading for the stairs.