Vents

Vent 1

I am a transgender male.

Saying that out loud doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel bad, it feels like nothing at all, just words.

I have no pride in it, I don't feel 'valid' as they call it either. I came out to everyone and everyone supports me, but it still feels like they are.. hurting me. 

You see, they don't see me as a boy they just see me as trans. It's like if you are a dog getting pets on your back, only they are petting you the wrong way. I can't escape the fact I was a girl, or at least seen as one. I felt like peanut butter in a jelly jar, only now I feel like peanut butter in a jelly jar just with the wrapper swapped out. 

You know I was hoping by now I would be happy with the way I looked, but now I only hate myself more, because there is more things to hate. 

I don't like the way you eat, the way you smile, or even the way you breath. Though now I hate the fact you look nothing like what you want to be. 

I feel like I'm trying to have my face colored red but the only option I have is blue.