Pencil to Paper

one

Journal,

I don't know exactly how I feel about all of this. I don't think I've understood one clear emotion since this entire moving process began. Here we are, about an hour away from our new location, and I still feel nothing. This, as you know, simply isn't normal for me. I feel like I'm always feeling... something. Not this time. Perhaps it's because I've already felt so much when it comes down to my home and family life, now I'm just numb to it. Now that dad is officially gone, I guess there really wasn't much keeping me back there, anyhow. My only incentives would be mum and Skylar, and obviously I have mum. Getting one of two isn't so bad, is it?

That isn't to say that I won't miss Skylar. I will, and I already do. But I suppose now that I think about it, she really is the only good thing that came from being back at home. Maybe this move really won't be as bad as the stories and movies always make out big moves to be. 

The car bounced. The sound and vibrations of shuffling and tumbling boxes were felt throughout the vehicle. Kaiman's pen dashed across the page he was writing on, leaving one long, harsh line that began at the last word that he wrote and spread to the edge of the paper. "Damn it," he muttered quietly. He hated messes, especially inside of his journal. His first instinct was to attempt to wipe it away, but quickly stopped upon remembering that it was ink, and rubbing it wouldn't exactly be helping much.

He took a deep breath, staring down at the small notebook before closing it, setting his pen down inside of the cupholder of the vehicle. "Gosh.. I'm sorry, honey," said his mother, glancing over towards the pen he just discarded, "I know your writing means a lot to you." Kaiman quickly shook his head, replacing his sour look with a smile. A bit of a forced one, but it was better than nothing. "That's alright, mum. You can't help that these roads are a bit shit." He set his journal down by his feet, giving up on it for the time being. There wasn't a point in attempting to continue on these roads. He learned that the hard way. "Well, I know that, but I am allowed to feel bad as your mum!" Eline Mallor truly was a wonderful woman at heart, and she loved her son unconditionally. When it came down to the personal details of life and the small things, Kaiman knew he could always count on her. Most days that was enough. 

Kaiman felt the light touch of his mother's hand on his knee. An attempt at comfort, thought Kaiman. She's trying. That's a good sign. 

"You've been terribly quiet about the move. I'm a bit worried. Are you sure you're feeling all right about all of this?" Eline asked her son. Her eyes were still focused on the road. Her eyes shifted between the windshield and the GPS. It was in her nature to double check, despite the fact that they were meant to be taking this straight path for the next seventeen kilometers. "If I had any objections, it'd be a bit late now, now wouldn't it?" he hadn't meant his response to be as off-putting as it was. He meant it more genuinely than it came across, but of course his mother didn't realize that. She fell silent for awhile, deciding not to further enter that area of emotions. "I think you'll really like it here, you know. I mean, you saw the pictures I sent you of the property the other week yeah?" She went on to further talk about the house, Kaiman's new school, her new job, and everything else imaginable about this new location. Kaiman nodded along, letting her sweet words enter one ear and swim through the other, not retaining a single word of what she said. He was zoned out, staring at his phone, flipping through various social media apps, short stories, and, most prominently, texts from Skylar. If he couldn't write his way out of this car ride, he could at least talk himself out of consciousness, letting himself be carried away into conversation with his best friend. After enough time had passed, he had fallen asleep, phone in hand, his head resting on the cool glass window of the passenger seat. When he woke up, he was home. As "home" as this new place could ever get.