Happier | Severus Snape

iii

A few weeks after bumping into the most feared professor in Hogwarts, everything was going on just fine. I never got a detention from Snape for my clumsy act, and he never treated me badly in class just because I was imprudent enough to collide into his chest once, letting myself fall on the ground. Surely, he was a grumpy teacher, but he was not that petty. 

Actually I never thought about the incident again. I did not even tell my friends about it. It was something that happened when I was in the worst state of mind, and on the next day, I was myself again, forgetting that Professor Snape saw me in tears. It was not important at all to think about.

My parents did not write to me, and I was relieved. I did not need a constant reminder of them when I could have the best time of my life there with my friends. I was determined to make many amazing memories there before I leave Hogwarts.

So when we were walking to the Black Lake, we never thought we would find some second year students trying to kill each other. I could still remember how annoyed my friends were, as we just wanted to have a nice evening walk that day, away from the books and homework, and now we just saw them ruining our fun.

But when we got closer, it was not they were trying to kill each other. They were bullies. We saw a group of boys pointing their wands at a poor boy who was clearly frightened. The boy was on the ground, covering his face as the others were laughing at him. His wand was nowhere to be found, and I bet they hid it with them.

Now, Remmy, I might not be familiar with bullies, as I have never been bullied before and I also might not be fond of children— But that did not mean it was not burning the rage in my chest as I saw the bullies trying to hurt him. They were stronger and bigger than him, and they thought it was alright to hurt him. It was wrong.

My friends and I went to them, but as my friends were talking to the bullies, trying to knock some sense into their heads, I saw one of them muttering a spell under his breath. My eyes grew wide and as everyone else was not realising it, including the boy who was bullied— I jumped in front of him.

Well, you know how careless I can be sometimes. And I was only focusing to protect the boy. You must be shaking your head right in disagreement now, Remmy. This girl could just use a spell to block the boy and yet there she was, putting her life on the line for a second year student who she barely knew. 

I could still remember my friends' worried voices as I fell on the ground, fighting to keep my eyes open. But there was an odd feeling in my body, forcing me to rest, as if the throbbing pain in my head would leave once I fall asleep.

And the last thing I remembered was– Professor Snape— staring at me before everything went black.

I did not know what kind of spell was hitting me before I fainted, but I was bloody furious when I woke up. Anger rushed through my veins as I realised I was knocked unconscious by those bullies. Making a mental note to find them once I was well, I quickly sat up, only to wince in pain as my head pounded.

"You're going to hurt yourself, Miss L/N." 

My heart dropped to my stomach as I heard Snape's voice, and I gulped when I looked around, only noticing that I was lying in his office couch, and I was not in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey.

As if knowing what was running through my mind, the Potions Master rolled his eyes, dragging a stool in front of the couch before sitting on it. Nerves wrecked through my body as I realised I was sitting in front of Professor Snape, and I could be in big trouble because of my rather foolish action.

"You are here because your injury wasn't severe. I was the one who found you, and I have to know what really happened despite everything your friends were telling me. I do not want any lies."

He was looking me in the eyes, and I almost forgot how to speak. I felt so stupid staring at him, admiring how beautiful his dark eyes were. They were soulful and wildly mysterious. It would be hard not to notice how much his gaze was resembling wisdom when I was sitting right in front of his face.

"You are not here to admire my eyes, Miss L/N."

He said, pressing his lips into a thin line. My face flushed and I chuckled nervously, not knowing what to say when it was obvious I was looking into his eyes. He cleared his throat, before raising his eyebrows, waiting for me to explain what happened to me.

"I was with my friends and we just wanted to have a nice walk together but then we saw this one boy. He was scared, Professor! The other boys were harassing him, and they even had his wand. We went to help but then one of them decided it was wise to hex this poor boy. Without thinking, I just went to jump in front of him."

I explained, fiddling my fingers nervously as my teacher watched me carefully, as if he was trying to find any lies in my words. After a moment, he gave me a nod, and I let out a breath that I did not even realise I was holding in.

"Am I in trouble, Professor?"

"No, you're not. But did you realise you were putting yourself in danger?"

He asked, and I shrugged, trying to look everywhere but him.

"I was just protecting him. And I mean, what kind of danger I was in? I'm still alive now!"

I said, laughter was escaping my mouth before I could stop it. However, it quickly died down when Snape glared at me, and I muttered apologies under my breath, mentally cursing myself for acting like a complete weirdo in front of my teacher.

"You are alive and you are well, except for the fact that your head was bleeding when I found you."

Snape pointed out, and I smiled, thinking that he was joking. Of course, I felt pain in my head when I was passing out, but I was not bleeding. But my smile dropped when I touched my head, realising that it was bandaged.

"You didn't notice?"

He smirked, causing heat to rose from my stomach to my chest. I couldn't believe I kept embarrassing myself in front of him. Everyone did not want to get on his bad side, and yet here I was, making a fool of myself.

"I healed your wound, Miss L/N. In a few days you can get rid of the bandage."

He told me, his smirk was no longer there as his usual stone cold expression took over his face. I nodded, as he stood up from his stool.

"Thank you, Professor."

He seemed to be contemplating to say something, and I frowned, worried if I was making any mistake in his presence again. But his next words took me by surprise, and I could not help but give him a smile.

"What you did was kind, Miss L/N. The boy needed you, and you were there for him." 

He was sincere, and I could see it in his eyes. Perhaps the boy reminded him of someone, but I did not dare to ask, as he was already being so kind towards me and I would not want to anger Professor Snape.

He was a good man, Remmy. After that incident, I started to recognise who Professor Snape really was.

I know I am beating around the bush. I also know you are waiting for me to spill my feelings here, telling you what Severus had done to break my heart until I came crying on your your doorstep that night, Remmy. You want me to tell you that I know I deserve better, and Severus has no power over me anymore. You want to hear that I have moved on with a brand new life, leaving him behind.

But here is a thing about my story— I know the beginning of it, but I will never be sure of the ending. And as much as I want to tell you that Severus was nothing more but a person who was sent to teach me about heartbreak, I couldn't tell you that. Because truthfully, I do not want this to be my ending with him.

Yes, Remmy, I do not want my love for him to end this way. I still love him, and I will forever do.

Perhaps in the beginning of my life, Severus was not there. But he was more than that— He was the beginning of my love life. He was my first love. He taught me about true love. He showed me what love truly was.

Even if now I start to doubt if his love for me was ever genuine.