I'm Not Letting Her Go (Excerpt of the story Rest on Amazon)

Thinking

Scarlett

You know the saying you don't know what you have until you lose it? Well, I may only be seventeen years old, but I have learned this the hard way. I used to think my life sucked. You know typical teenage girl stuff. Let me tell you my life was perfect. I had an amazing mother that loved me unconditionally. I had friends that could make me laugh every day. The town I grew up in was safe, and comfortable. I had an amazing boyfriend. Everything was wonderful.

Then, tragedy struck, and my life became a nightmare. My mother and I were in a car accident. Drunk drivers should not be on the road. We were hit head on, and I was in the hospital for a week. I had a bad concussion. When I woke up, my mother wasn't there. Only Grandma Bee, my father couldn't even take time off from his busy schedule to check in on me. Go figure with that one!

When I woke up, I asked where mom was. Grandma Bee took my hand in hers and uttered the words a young girl never wants to hear. She didn't make it, and to make matters worse I missed her funeral. Feeling horrible doesn't begin to explain how I felt. If I hadn't snuck out that night, to meet my friends at the movies after mom told me I couldn't, she would still be here. I did, and now the one person that was my constant in my life is gone.

How do you go on from that? Knowing that you're the reason the person that meant the most to you in your life is gone, and never returning because of you? Because I was so selfish, and inconsiderate. I just had to have it my way, and damn if anyone told me otherwise.

My life was going to be changing immensely. Grandma Bee was selling my mother's house, and I am moving in with her. The man I barely know, also known as my father, lives with her. Not that he is ever home, always away for work. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen him in my lifetime. How he came from the amazing woman sitting across from me I'll never know.

So, moving to a new town, starting a new school. That's my future now. Leaving all my old friends behind. I broke it off with my boyfriend. I mean we will be living two states away from each other now. Not like he'll visit or be faithful to me once I'm gone. The only reason we were together is because he's the star football player, and I was head cheerleader. Well not anymore, I've changed these last few months after the accident. I'm not who I used to be.

People aren't wrong when they say that you grow up young once you lose a parent. When your entire world goes up in smoke. Grandma Bee stayed with me at my childhood home for the summer. Until the house sold, and then we were going through everything. Taking a lot of mom's things to the goodwill and throwing other things away. I packed my books, and laptop. Along with some clothes. That's about all I am bringing on this new journey.

"It's going to be all right you know. You're a strong woman, I know you can manage this." I look over at Grandma Bee. You wouldn't know she's sixty-three years old. She looks like she's in her early thirties. Beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes, and a body most younger women would kill for.

"I know, I'm just... well I really don't know what I am anymore. To be honest I don't feel much of anything. Haven't in months." I give her a sad smile.

She gives one back and pats my shoulder. She gets comfortable in her seat and pulls her blanket that she brought on the train with her over her head to get some sleep. I reach over and lift her hand, giving her a light kiss, and go back to looking out the window.

I wasn't lying when I said I don't feel anything anymore. Just yesterday, I was trying to get my zipper to my duffle bag zipped up, it was being stubborn like always. Somehow my finger got caught and I had to wrestle it free. When I got it out, looking down, I watched as my blood dripped down my hand, to my wrist, and onto my old bedroom carpet. I didn't feel a lick of pain.