Feedback for books from Navzoon

For ShadowCat844! This is your chapter feedback!

Hi ShadowCat! This is your chapter edited and annotated! Feedback will be in the images and down the bottom. From Navzoon :)

Your story edited:

Read the images for the feedback and corrections in there.

My version of your story annotated:

Again read the images.

Basically, let me break it down.

1) You use the word I and I am too much. I know it can be difficult because it's 1st person but you have to cut down on unnecessary words and these words are probably the most unnecessary type. This habit can be fixed by changing up the tense of the words that come after. So try to stop starting every statement with these words.

2) This is important. Especially when writing tension. Keep your sentence short and simple. Not every sentence needs to have endless amounts of information. Some just need to get straight to the point. You can do this by editing. Editing can fix everything and it's important. VERY IMPORTANT!

3) This may contradict my last point. But when writing a boring paragraph or chapter adding EXTRA context will keep the reader engaged and excited. It adds humour to your writing without telling a joke, it makes it more interesting. Not everything you're going to write is going to be SUPER exciting so when it's not add context. Add extra information about the character, their life and view of the world. Not all of your writing needs to be in the moment, not all of it should be. Adding context can help you reveal a character's backstory without a long piece of exposition. But you HAVE to know when to stop with the context just like things need context, some don't. So make sure you don't overuse this literary device because then your writing will drag on and it defeats the purpose. Knowing when to use context or extra info is important.
I personally only tend to use it when writing something boring or before a big tension scene and sometimes I'll just add it at random. Don't overcomplicate it and spread it out. Too much is bad. Bot enough is boring. Use this device carefully.

4) Metaphors and similes. This is more of a personal opinion but to me metaphors are important. They make someone's writing more interesting and funny. They can be dark or happy, they can be anything. They can be cliche or original, anything works. And they can give the reader an insight into the character's personality too. They add flair and excitement to an otherwise generic and boring sentence.

5) And the most important device is show don't tell. This is probably what determines a food writer from an average one. This device is a little complicated to explain but basically don't just tell me that Gabe is an alcoholic show me. Describe it in a metaphor or a simile or anything else but don't just say, "I was filling up the trash bag with beer bottles, Gabe was such an alcoholic." Instead describe it to me, "Beer bottle after beer bottle was put in the trash bag, and yet I still had more to throw away." This shows me that Gabe is an alcoholic. Your readers aren't babies they don't need everything explained to them so hint at it or show them but don't them. That only makes you're writing boring and repetitive. There is a link up the top in the image box that will show you how to use this rule properly.

ShadowCat you're not a bad writer at all. In fact, I don't think anyone is. If you follow this feedback you'll definitely inprove, but don't give up. Ever. Your concept is great, it's simply and classic. I can't wait to read more of it. Thank you for reading my story and listening my feedback :)

-Navzoon ❤️