How it came to this

A power in time

           Preface 1999

I remember feeling cold. The air smelled like apples and cinnamon. The door was open

just a crack, enough to bring some light into the room. Shaking, I remember shaking. I tried to

call out to my sister but all that came out was an inaudible whisper. I tried to move the covers to

me; it was almost impossible. It did not hurt, no, but I felt as though I were dying. My teeth

chattered and I was no longer in control of my body. My breathing began to die out, each breath

shallower than the last. Then everything faded into a black nothingness.

I remember staring back down at my body. Long orange hair cascaded around the bed.

My eyelids were closed and dark blue. The once seemingly pale skin was now as white as fresh

computer paper and drenched in sweat. The frail body of a six-year-old girl lay in this bed. The

girl wore my pink kitten pajamas. Her tiny body sprawled out on my bed. How could this girl

be me? I stared down at this girl, telling myself it was not me. But she was me and that was my

body. I felt so light, weightless really.

I remember that I was still breathing. It was faint but I saw my chest steadily going up

and back down again. I was alive. As the thought dawned on me, I felt myself being pushed

away, slow at first, then faster and faster and faster. It seemed endless. I did not know where I

was being sent, and then it happened.

I remember the feeling of being slammed back down into my body, but it was not where

or when I had last seen it. I opened my eyes to see the TV staring back at me, my father sat in

his chair, my sister on the floor, I was laying down on the couch my head resting on my mother's

lap. I remembered this scene, this night, this moment. This was yesterday, this was last night.

The movie played on the TV, and I knew this part, soon I would fall asleep. Everything fell into

place exactly as it had been the previous night. I tried to force my eyelids open to force myself

to speak, say anything, and do anything different from that night. There was no control. Every

sigh and movement were exactly as it had been done. My eyelids shut against my will and then I

was back in my bed. Small driblets of blood stained my kitten pajamas from a bloody nose.

I remember wanting to run into my parent's room. Even though I was so young I knew

that it would be pointless.

All I ever do is remember.

2010 Age 17

My eyelids open before my alarm clock goes off. I push the button to turn it off before

the noise comes on. My hair sticks on the top of my head, once so long, fiery, and beautiful,

now a shriveled mess of rainbow colors. I make sure to keep the length no longer than to my

earlobes. The room is dark, I know the light will hurt my eyes, but I can't help but to want to

open the curtains. Like an old man I slowly and delicately make my way to the window and