Where We Belong

Men that have it all have everything to lose

Maybe I was being overdramatic. Dan probably wouldn't mind; he grasped the concept of casual sex and while that scared me for our newfound relationship, the odds are in my favor that my moment of weakness with Julia wouldn't phase him.

But we were cheering to honesty here, I couldn't even take a sip with both fingers crossed at the end of the line.

FInally having a purpose again led me to realize how bad I had grown to be. Instead of drifting with the clock into my grave, now I had every intent to pull myself back to spend time with Dan. If I fucked this up, I don't know how I could get back onto my feet. I wasn't sweet for Dan's mere attention; I spent my time repeating scenrios of us in my mind, rewinding the clock back to late night conversations that had me cursing the rising sun. I craved his personality and mind as well as his figure, and I worried this wasn't reflected back upon me.

It might appear overdramatic, and make myself a one dimensional character as I say that I spent all my time waiting for Dan, but it was the damn truth. That's the funny thing about your life peaking as a teen and very young adult; nothing lives up to your vivacious youth and glory, you feel pitiful when you try, and after a mutlitude of shameful attempts to convince yourself you are still relevant, you give up. I gave up hard. A man that has everything he could dream for, has everything to lose.

And hell, I had lost so much. So damn much. So I justified my self pity as I waded around waiting for the phone to wring, giving my best effort to remain sober as I did so. I couldn't lose more.

At some point my hands were shaking and when I heard the phone ring I nearly dropped it. 
"Hey Ryan, want to meet up tonight?"
I agreed breathlessly, admiring his vocal pattern. His goddam vocal pattern.

"Sweet, but let's head somewhere differently.. how does the bar on 35 sound?"

I hadn't heard of it but wasn't about to object. We made small yet comforting talk and then promised to see each other at seven that night.

When I arrived I almost had to contain a chuckle; I was pretty sure this was a gay bar. Wouldn't this be more of a place for single people? Was Dan avoiding people seeing us? I really couldn't care less, and I decided to just forget about these little woes.

I stumbled into the bar and peered around. It was to my surprise a pretty classy place. The cigarette stains were minimal and the music was of a remotely elegant quality. I couldn't wait to converse with Dan in this setting. As I was about to search the room for him, I heard a sultry voice behind me whisper, "Something new adds up every day, I suppose."

I turned around and my eyebrows jumped in surprise. There was a blonde woman from my past, youthful and tastefully sexualized. 

"Z. It's been a while."

A sad smile smile grazed her face before she exhaled a stream of smoke. "How ironic fate brings us here. No hard feelings after all," she said with a contagious chuckle, the curves of her lips tracing her cigarette once again.

I let out a real laugh, and instantly a weight lifted from my shoulders. "I always was jealous of Langley."

She shook her head, the lights dancing her eyes. "Rightfully so, in the long run..." after a slight pause, she tipped her head towards a table. "I have to get back to them. Ryan, it's been too damn long." We exchanged contact information, and she waltzed off as I wished her the best of orgasms, smirking at her amused scowel. I couldn't believe that had progressed so smoothly. I never expected Z to hold a grudge but who the hell would have known if she was the same Z as five years ago. Perhaps this notion of consistency in another life besides mine is what I needed to hear.

I felt an arm on my shoulder and I turn to see Dan. "Who was that?" He wondered, concern flickering on his face but his aura relaxed. 
"An old friend. Knew the Ryan you would never have wanted to cross paths with."

"Sure you were the same lovable bastard," he chuckled, and we seated ourselves down in the corner and marveled at the world together, using any tactic to get the other one to smile and forget the crude unanswered questions that lingered just out the door.