Oblivion| demon slayer/ kny fanfiction

1.

//arakawa megami//

I am not dead yet.

I repeat that line in my head like a mantra.

I am not dead yet, I am alive.

But why doesn't it feel like I am? I no longer feel this body and this soul no matter how hard I try. I feel hollow and dismembered. Is this what being gone for a long period of time feels like? As if nothing in this world is real. But all of my memories are fresh, as if it were the taste of a freshly harvested fruit on a summer's day; its flavor perking up the senses. I can remember the beginning to end, as early as those days where I used to play by the stream, with a timid dark-haired boy before he disappeared or the first time my grandmother did a divination on my seventh birthday. She made incense out of lavender and sage and asked for lunar energy as she lit up the incense. My grandmother never ceased to fascinate me. She just let it burn, and let the ashes fall. I could even remember the scent- it's as though I was floating but being awakened at the same time. She told me that she will interpret the image formed by the ashes as soon as it runs out.

As a little child, I was certainly conceived with innocence and purity. I vigorously waited for whatever my destiny would be. Until my grandmother saw a katana, surrounded by crystals. The moment the imaged formed, the scent of the incense became stronger and sweeter. "You will be a warrior woman," She said with her frail voice. I never believed that myself since I was frail and sickly so I continued my life selling paintings downtown because it was all that I could ever do. But my life veered in an opposite direction, bringing about a drastic change when I woke up startled upon the sight of my grandmother being devoured by a three-headed demon. I couldn't fight but the flame pillar rescued me during that time.

I clearly remember the path that I took, and my last few moments on the brink of death is still vivid in my head. A broken rib, and a cracked skull. The pain is too much that I wasn't able to perceive how painful it felt. It was as though my body was already in autopilot, as I battled one of the twelve kizuki where I couldn't feel my head and my sense of existence. The last thing that was in my consciousness was the sight of dawn, and the demon turning into ashes.

What a graceful way to die.

I expelled a deep breath and attempted to set my mind to reality.

I have been gone for a year and it put all my missions on hold. That thought alone makes me feel so useless and ashamed to show myself in front of the other pillars who shed their blood and toiled their souls just to protect their regions and combat demons. I still couldn't get it to my senses that I was the one who killed Douma.

I was gone for a year, and that's 365 days. I feel so ashamed of myself. After getting my health checked for the last time, Amane-sama informed me that I can officially return to the Demon Slayer Headquarters, and attend the Hashira meeting for today. But I'm afraid to show myself once again.

A butterfly landed on my palm which brushed most of my thoughts, as it got to my senses that I was going to see Shinobu-san. I'm not even prepared to see her and I could feel the intensity of fear on my gut.

Aoi told me to wait by the garden, so I did and it was taking quite a while. It was still early, so I wasn't really expecting to see Kanao-chan around.

"Megami-san!" I was taken aback to see Shinobu again. She still wears the sweet and hopeful smile on her face as she hurried towards me and hugged me. "I knew you were still alive," Shinobu hummed.

I knew her and Kanae even before Kanao arrived here. The Kocho sisters somehow adopted me as their sister since I no longer have any family with me. With that I shared a fairly intimate connection with the Kocho sisters, as well as with Kanao. It sparked a deep connection between, as if we are tied, and will never get severed by any amount of injury.

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes and felt Kanae's little sister on my arms. Shinobu is not very transparent with her emotions, but I felt how much she yearned for company and family, and how much she spent her nights consumed by her thoughts, and her grievances for her sister. I feel sorry for not being there. A year is indeed so lengthy.

"I missed you Megami-san," She whispered while squeezing me tighter. "I missed you too,"

"How are you? Are you feeling well?" Shinobu asked. It seems like she's keeping this conversation as casual, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. "I'm feeling well Shinobu-san. Good as new." I affirmed. "I'm glad that you are, we should proceed to the headquarters, they will surely be surprised once they see you." She said. 

I see there's no turning back now.

My mind floated as I contemplated about how everything possibly changed and if I'll be able to catch up with it. We silently walked, as I just glanced at Shinobu from time to time. It seems as though the moment I arrived, she kept the subtle smile on her face. However, despite her sweetness she has the tendency to build strong walls between what she truly feels and what she shows. She barely shows how much she grieves because of how much people need her, and how she should put her work first over everything. My thoughts were then again brushed, when I realized that we reached the Headquarters where the pillars were staring at me, seemingly surprised.

because like myself, they certainly thought I was dead too.

author's note: Hello! I'm Ara from the Philippines, and I'll be writing this short fanfic during my break since writing is also a way for me to heal. I'm an introvert and I don't have friends in real life lol. Follow me, and I'll follow you back, let's be friends! 

If you like this chapter, thank you! Comments and votes would really make me happy. All the loveeeeeeeeeeee lets be lonely 2gether if u like lol