The Dominant Heir

| 25 |

Camila

Yet again, my heart tugged roughly like a harsh pluck of strings on a harp. It seemed to complement each beat of the song that was playing ever so boisterously in the background.

After relentlessly trying to get me to tag along, Lynn and Dana had finally been successful in getting me to accept their mischievous invite to karaoke. At present, their brassy manner of singing reached my eardrums, and their wailing arms took up the whole room.

Colourful flashing lights sparkled across the booth and my eyes seemed to follow them like a cat do a laser. My attention span: short, and my hands fidgeting uncompromisingly. I brought my knees to my head and hugged them tightly. I blew lightly on my fallen strands suddenly feeling rather bored; karaoke wasn't my thing. My social energy had seemed to be just drained completely.

"Camila! Come on! Have a go!" I looked up and shook my head. "I'm okay, carry on." I gave a weak smile. They understood and reluctantly went back to choosing the next song. I sighed.

Sluggishly finding my way back to the guest room in this humungous palace, I fell face-flat onto my luxurious bed. I groaned to myself and flipped myself over. The absence of sound rang loudly as I stared at the ceiling though it would cure me of my anguish. I exhaled tirelessly, too depleted to do anything. I wished to further instruct my students but no longer had the will to do so.

I was angry. Angry at myself for being so helpless against Leonardo. Maybe I had grown too attached than I had let on. To such an extent that our relationship wasn't ripe enough to comprehend it. I fell into the wrong hands, too deep with this idealistic way of thinking. And now? I couldn't reach the edge of cliff to help me climb out.

Mates were a cruel thing; your significant other makes you feel complete the moment you meet eyes. The bond does its work and the warmth that comes with it is addictive. I craved his attention unknowingly and I wanted nothing more than to just be by his side. I had felt safe knowing that the godsend I thirsted for for years, was sleeping beside me contently.

However, love isn't always daisies and rainbows. Mates aren't always daisies and rainbows. It can be merciless at times. Brutal. Snatch the one good thing in your life in an instant, unpityingly. Both a blessing and a curse: it was truly frightening.

The ceiling began to bore me so I lied there with closed eyes fatigued over my wandering thoughts; I lied there with closed eyes wallowing in self misery; I lied there with closed eyes struggling to keep my uneased heart, paced. My soul felt wafer-thin and silvery tears were threatening to bleed from my eyes. Just like I would do a nosebleed, I got up and tilted my head back, not wanting to admit defeat.

This bullet that penetrated my heart needed to be removed but I had no manual to perform such an arduous surgery. I was all but useful in this situation.

I guess it was my fault for being so anticipative.

Now, the sky reached its 2nd peak, midnight, and the moon was high. I sat on the windowsill – where the window was opened – ogling it again; its subtle shimmers of moonlight dimly lit up the room. I rubbed my wrists anxiously. Could I get a second chance out of pure sympathy? Well, then that would be selfish then, wouldn't it?

Was that it? Our relationship was over just like that? This lonely feeling was like a vice on my heart, squeezing with enough pressure to cause me constant pain.

I was truly hopeless. A fighter, I called myself, but I was nothing but weak to this imaginary collar on my neck, held by yours truly.

I closed my eyes totally worn out by the confused constant cogs turning in my brain. In lieu of worrying about the aftermath of our relationship, I listened intently to the string of cricket noises outside. I was allowed to mope and I would do exactly that. This whole event had finally showered me with realisation and a bonus gift of rocks on my shoulders. On the other hand, I knew if I gave it a few days, maybe I'd be over the whole thing. That was up to my conscience though.

Calming my thoughts, it managed to the pace of a carousel; the thumping of my heartbeat subsiding to that of the horses rowing gently up and down. Encompassing my figure, I saw such beautiful colours, I was immediately reminded of the time when Papa took me to a Spanish parade. Nothing was dull there. It was lively and absolutely electrifying. I loved it.

Reminiscences of my more happier younger days dawdled here and there whilst I shut my eyes – finally ready to fall into deep slumber.

I awoke expecting to feel better but instead I felt like making self-deprecating jokes about how I wasn't good enough for a mate I waited 22 years of my life for. Sitting at the edge of my bed, I stared at the floor absent-mindedly, kicking the air. The air began swamping me and I suddenly felt cold, I cuddled my arms only in a grey t-shirt and baggy sweats. In the same moment, as though melancholy latched onto me, its cloak was one I couldn't rid; unexpectedly, it was warm and I wanted to let it engulf me.

Was this some form of a coping mechanism? Maybe.

Being swallowed up whole, the outside was oblivious to my suffering and in high spirits. I was pathetic. I was feeling envious that the weather was having a better day than I was. Finally, my feet dragged my body towards the bathroom door urging me to wash up.

I did my business and walked over to the framed mirror on the wall. I looked absolutely horrible. It looked like I was dragged to hell and back. There were soulless eye bags hanging from my eyes. They worked but all enthusiasm was lost. My hair was a nest's bed and my insecurities only grew larger.

I splashed a cup full of water onto my face rubbing any sort of tiredness away. For extra measures, I slapped my cheeks.

I walked back out to my room and could feel my stomach growling but I didn't have the willpower to leave my bed and make something to eat.

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hmu if ur italian 🤪🤪🤪

colonisers 😆😆😆 /j

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-Love, Ashley x