The Numbness

The Numbness

I woke to numbness. The kind felt when the body is in so much pain, that it has just given up on suffering and is left with nothing. Numbness that clouds thoughts to the point where the brain can't remember where it is, or what led up to that moment and leaves it feeling confused.

As the fog in my mind starts to dissipate, the memories of what led up to this point, slowly start to come back; the first being my 9th birthday.

I was always a good kid. Always got straight A's and yes, while I might have boasted about my talents a bit; I never did anything wrong. It was finally July 1st. My birthday! I was so excited to hang out with my friends, get gifts and play games. One thing that wasn't on my list. was all of that being cancelled because my baby brother, Hitoshi, decided to make his grand entrance. On. My. Birthday.

That day wasn't the worst, it's what that day has caused that led up to this point. The feeling that something is trapping my legs, pinning them to the ground, is the only thing keeping me from getting up and figuring out what the hell has happened to me. As the pressure continues getting heavier, my mind starts to wander and more of the memory comes back.

The next 15 years after Hitoshi was born were absolute living hell. I ended up being pushed aside and pretty much forgotten. No matter how many A's I got; or how good I was at home. It all got overshadowed by every little insignificant thing Hitoshi did; like walking in a straight line for the first time, or writing his name on a bit of paper and not the wall. Even him brainwashing our parents was of more importance. One day, about halfway through Hitoshi's first semester at UA, and my 6th year at University, I came back from English class with an F. It was my first F ever in English. So, I didn't think Mum and Dad would care, but boy was I wrong. The screaming and yelling that rang through the house sounded like all hell broke loose, and I just had to stand there and take it; hearing things like "Why can't you be like Hitoshi?" and, "Hitoshi would never get an F". In the end it all became too much so I ran to my room, packed a bag, and left for my friend Annie's house with the intention of never returning.

As I snap out of the memory, I suddenly become more aware of the numbness slowly spreading throughout my legs; making start to worry. However, that all gets forgotten because the last memory comes back.

When I arrived at Annie's house, I told her about what happened and why I needed to leave that house. The next two days were pure bliss, no one was yelling at me or telling me I wasn't good enough. Halfway through my third day, while I was watching tv in the living room a sudden jolt tore through the house followed by intense shaking and as I looked around, I saw the room collapsing around me. I tried to escape but something hard and heavy crashed down onto my lower back and legs, preventing me from moving. I heard a scream; and everything went black.

So, it is an earthquake that has me trapped here. Suddenly through the numbness I feel a wet but warm substance and I turn just enough to see what it is and what I am seeing is something no one ever wants to see. My best friend being trapped between what is part of the kitchen wall and what was the upstairs floor with her head facing me and her body definitely not where it is supposed to be.

The numbness starts to envelop me again as the reality that she must be dead sinks in. The numbness I feel as I hear the sirens that are too late to save her. The numbness that has made me resent 'heroes' forever more; my friend is dead because they didn't get to her in time and to me that's not what a hero is at all.