Drowning Pansies

three.

"Granny!" I screamed from my bedroom.

I could feel my existence slipping away from inside these four walls. I still lay in bed, unable to move as the room slowly disappeared. I heard Granny pounding on my door, twisting the handle, but not capable of entering my room. If I left the door unlocked, why could she not come through?

"Zoey! What's wrong? Let me in!" Granny ordered in a panic, but I remained trapped in my room, slowly dissolving away.

I called out to her, but my words got sucked out of my mouth. My breaths shortened until there was nothing to breathe. My heart slowed its beating until it shut down altogether. Dark blots filled my vision, which merged into a black oblivion that encompassed me. Am I dying?

Then, everything stopped. I could feel my lungs gulping air and my heart pulsated quickly. My room surrounded me, replacing the darkness. I moved my legs freely without restraint. Thankfully, I was not dead, but Granny's cries had seized. Everything was dead silent--too still.

There was no clock ticking to interrupt the usual stillness of the night. In fact, my clock was not there at all. I cursed to myself, reassuring me that I could at least hear my voice. Only if my clock was here, I could confirm my theory: it was midnight, a new day.

If I assumed correctly, this was what I have been waiting for the past two years. The answer I was dreaming of was supposed to present itself, but all I had received so far was silence. Was silence all I had been looking for? Could all I had needed was peace and quiet?

Determined to find a better solution, I twisted the doorknob and jerked open the door leading to the hallway. I gulped down my nerves as I revealed a tranquil meadow, not the rotting wallpaper I was expecting. A stone pathway lead to a wooden bridge crossing a rolling creek. I squinted to distinguish the two figures on the other side of the bridge.

The taller one was broad and more defined than the other. The shorter figure was slender and thin. As I walked closer, I realized it was a male and a female. Then, when I was close enough, I could see who it was: my parents. I choked down my excitement, but it spilled out of my eyes in tears as I hurried to them.

The bridge between my greatest wish and my worst nightmare surfaced--the one thing that could change everything. I sprinted to the middle of the bridge, but I could not reach them on the other side. I pushed against the invisible force, but I remained in the same position. Stuck in the middle of a decision with no light either way, I fell to the wooden planks. With right choice, still submerged in a dark sea of possibilities, drops of water made their way down my cheeks.

"I-I want to cross. Please, let me cross," I sobbed.

Mom stepped forward and made her way to the center of the bridge. Dad followed her and placed a tender hand on Mom's shoulder. I stretched out my hand, but our hands never brushed. She had a blank expression, but the genuine sparkle in Mom's eyes kept her face alive. Dad wore a look of understanding, but his shoulders were hunched in a tense posture.

"Come if you choose, but after you listen to what I have to say," she whispered softly with a subtle force.

Mom waved her hand across the sky. A blur of colors swirled together to form an image of a school located by a calm beach. I watched as Mom and Dad were chasing little kids. Mom smiled brighter than I have ever seen as she played with the children. Dad was not smiling like he usually did; but instead, he was watching the tide retract into the sea. He gathered all the kids into the building, but a gigantic wave crashed onto the roof. When the wave passed, there were only the ruins of the school and the people inside.

"That was the school where we taught English. That is where we were swept out to drown," Mom explained. The twinkle in her eyes were replaced by the sorrow of the tragedy.

She swept her hand and the colors swirled to form a new memory. This time it was of me. It was after Granny and I had been informed of Mom and Dad's death. Still in disbelief, I sobbed into the pansies. Granny rubbed my back, to comfort me, but she was also bawling. Then, two other hands were placed on my shoulder.

In the image, Mom and Dad both sat down next to me and wiped away my tears. They were dead and could not have come home. So how were they there when I did not see them during this time?

"I think Granny's crying because you were ruining her pansies," joked Dad, getting a glare from Mom.

I giggled, though some tiny tears slipped down my cheeks. "So you were there without being there? How is that possible?"

"Anything is possible," began Mom. "We weren't physically there. We were mentally there. Our presence is--and will be--with you all the time," she concluded.

"Okay, so let me recap. You will always be around, in my heart, even if I cannot see you, right?" I pondered and Mom nodded, so I continued, "Wait, why did you come to me in my sleep and count down to this? Where is this? Why can I not cross the bridge? I'm sorry that I'm asking so many questions."

"Oh, it's perfectly fine. If I were you, I would like to understand all of this." She took a deep breath and continued, "Well, I knew you were in a fragile state, and I thought you would like to know that we were still with you. I also figured since you were unstable, you may become suicidal. I thought it would be nice for you to know we will always be around and assure us that you would not give up opportunities," Mom verified, making me feel more confident with what was going on.
She looked behind her and quieted her voice,

"The bridge and where you are, I'm afraid I am incapable of explaining. When you will meet with us again--awhile down the road--you will understand."

"Okay," I mumbled, unsure of what to say next.

"Well?" Dad urged.

I considered my options briefly. I do not know what Granny would do if I disappeared and the future could be promising. And when I am old and gray, I will always come join them. There is not anything that could make me stay here, especially if I cannot even cross the bridge.

"I guess, I have to go," I decided and both their faces lit up.

"See you in the long run," Dad grinned.

"We love you," Mom comforted once more before I turned and walked down the path.