Chasing Cars - Merder - Grey's Anatomy

Chapter 1

''Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then, look around, drink it in, 'cause this is it. And it might all be gone tomorrow.''

- - - 

The monitor beeped steadily, her IV dripped rhythmically and she breathed sporadically. Her breaths were raspy and course, shallow and irregular. She laid unconscious in the hospital bed, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to breathe. Her chest barely rose with each painful breath, the oxygen tube proving to be of no assist. She was weak, she was vulnerable, she had COVID. 

Miranda Bailey and Richard Webber stood uncomfortably outside of Meredith's hospital room, unsure of what to do next. Meredith had made no improvement, her stats were decreasing by the day, she was getting weaker and weaker. She needed a vent. If they wanted to see any improvement in Meredith's lungs, they needed a break. They needed some time to heal, to recover without having to forcibly pull oxygen and push carbon dioxide in and out of Meredith's body. 

A vent is considered a life sustaining measure, and with Meredith unconscious, she could not authorise it. The only person who could authorise a life sustaining measure other than the patient is their next of kin. Meredith hadn't gotten around to changing her next of kin after Alex left. Her best friend, her person, the one person who she completely and utterly trusted and understood, left her. He didn't warn her, he didn't say goodbye, he didn't say ''I'm sorry''. He just wrote a handful of letters, mailed them and went silent. And then he had the decency to expect that everybody would just be ok. He had the decency to expect that life would go on happily without him, that his colleagues, his best friend, his wife, would just sniffle and move on. That's not what happened. 

His colleagues were shocked with the arrival of his letters. They never expected to have their greatest Pediatrics attending, their fellow colleague, their friend leave without saying goodbye. They expected more than just a lousy letter from him, they expected it to at least be in person. Miranda was heartbroken. The surgeon she raised, the character she developed, the ass she kicked into line, left. He left with no warning, no reason, no ''thank you''. 

Meredith, his person, felt betrayed, as did Jo, over Alex's departure. He left so insincerely it left a lasting imprint on her trust issues. Meredith could never fully trust anyone. Everyone was leaving and everyone was dying. She never trusted her mother, she never trusted her father, it took her a while to trust Derek and Cristina, it took even longer for her to trust Lexie and Maggie and Amelia, and each time that one of those people she trusted left or died, it chipped away at her trust levels. And then when Alex left, the person she had least expected it from, it was the last straw. She became dark and twisty, numb to any pain someone may cause her. She was numb.

Jo fell into a deep depression. When he left her, he confirmed all of her insecurities whether he meant to or not. She associated him leaving with her not being good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. She didn't feel wanted. And then she found out her mother didn't want her either. Her mother didn't want a helpless, innocent child. She didn't feel wanted or loved or appreciated. She felt hated and despised and ugly. She shut everyone out, spoke to no one, saw no one for days, weeks even. She eventually began to get better, with the help of her closest friends, until she was finally back to how she was before. She had gotten over it, she had moved on, and now he has to come back. 

Miranda reached into her pocket and pulled out her plastic wrapped phone. She walked into a nearby supply closet looking for a quiet place to talk on the phone. She searched 'Alex Karev' in her phone and after some hesitation, pressed on his name. After a few seconds of silence, the line rang.