"Daddy!""Baby!!!"

Where's Odasaku?

All was fine in the Dazai household until a toddler decided he had enough of the torture contraptions called clothes. F/n was just doing her duties as a mother and getting Odasaku changed when the powder fell. F/n bent to pick it up and when she turned, she saw a naked waddling baby quickly leaving the room and laughing victoriously. How did a pint-sized child climb down a huge bed in the split second his mother had her back turned? The same way his father is always found at the other side of town spending hundreds in the split second Kunikida realizes he took his credit card.

F/n chased Odasaku through the entire house until she lost him when the chubby, indecent child found his father. He toddled towards the tall man lying down on the sofa and climbed his long legs, which dangled on the side of the couch, to hide from his prowling mother who was currently searching profusely for her butt-naked son. Dazai was surprised to find Odasaku climbing him without a thread of clothing on his adorable pudgy body. He guessed that was why his lovely wife was turning the house upside down.

"Oda? Baby, you'll catch a cold. Or are we all supposed to be naked?" He gasped loudly and continued, "Is your mother naked too?" His eyes were suddenly very excited.

"No, daddy. Hide from mommy. And clothes." Odasaku simply stated as if it was obvious why the small child was sitting on top of his father's chest without clothes and with his mother throwing things and yelling his name in the background.

"I see, I see. I did a lot of hiding from mommy back in the day. Like that one time when I broke her favourite, rather expensive, perfume because I was playing with it. But anyway, now it is your time to hide from your mother and as an experienced veteran from battles with your mother's rage, I will help you, my Oda." He solemnly nodded as the child dove under his father's beige coat. Dazai covered Odasaku as much as he could and felt Odasaku's small head nuzzling the side of his neck.

Dazai had never felt so touched that Oda chose him to hide in, even though there was no one else. Dazai was lovingly petting his son's chestnut hair as his wife entered the room like a storm and suddenly stopped with softened eyes as she stared at the scene in front of her.

Her husband was laying on the couch with a tiny Odasaku cuddled on top of him, with Dazai covering his small head with his big hand and the other hand draped on top of the toddler to secure him. Odasaku's face was squished against Dazai's neck with his eyes closed in anticipation. It was a sight worth every temper tantrum from both Dazai and Odasaku.

"Samu, darling. Have you seen Oda? I've looked everywhere and now I can't even find him here." As soon as the words left F/n's lips, the bump on Dazai's chest giggled loudly. It would have given away his 'hiding spot' if only his entire naked back wasn't on display along with the little tuft of brown hair popping out of the neck hole; Dazai's coat wasn't big enough to hide him completely.

"I'm afraid not, my moonlight. Have you checked the other rooms?" The bump giggled even louder.

"I have. Are you sure you haven't seen him? I'll make sure to pay you in anything you like," F/n said in a low whisper.

Dazai help his chin in his hands to seem in thought and said, "Hmm. What a good offer. I will need some time to think. Alone. So, if you'll please excuse me."

F/n decided to play along mainly because the duo was too cute to resist. As she left the room, she decided to hide in a corner far enough to be hidden from sight but close enough to eavesdrop.

Meanwhile in the room, Dazai and the toddler, who was sitting naked on Dazai's chest, were having a gravely serious negotiation about Dazai's silence and compliance with the crime.

"Daddy, no join mommy. Daddy help me hide. You are sus-sush-pishese," The toddler knit his brows in frustration by his inability to pronounce the word as a spray of spit landed on Dazai's face. With a lot of stuttering, Odasaku settled on, "The word mommy says when daddy said lies."

Wiping his face with his spare arm, Dazai replied, "Ooh, suspicious! How rude. So mean, my heart breaks. Can you hear it shattering, Odasaku?"

"No."

"Anyway! Your mother makes a very good offer. What will you give me?"

The baby raised his chubby arms and spread them far apart from each other, "This many hugs and kisses." And looked straight into his father's eyes as if daring him to refuse the best deal he has received in his entire life.

Dazai dramatically gasped and shot up, almost throwing off his child in the process, "So many kisses! And hugs too! These many hugs and kisses will be enough for my entire life! Right, Oda?"

Odasaku nodded his tiny head violently.

"Done! I have been bribed! You are a good businessman, little Oda."

The boy then painfully smacked two tiny, pudgy palms on Dazai's lips and shushed him, "Quiet, daddy. Mommy can hear."

F/n entered the room as Odasaku dove into his father's coat; imitating the same, heart-stopping position as she last saw them. F/n sighed, preparing herself for the best deal of the day and said, "I'll give you double the hugs and kisses Oda promised. I'll even throw in late night cuddles."

The bundle on Dazai's chest then loudly gasped and went still. Odasaku felt silly he forgot to add cuddles in the deal. Daddy loved cuddles.

"I'M SOLD!" Dazai loudly exclaimed as he opened his trench coat and a naked baby was on display on top of his chest.

"DADDY, NO! WHY DID YOU LIE? LIE TO MOMMY LIKE ALWAYS!" Odasaku yelled just before he was assaulted by hundreds of kisses from both his mother and father. The toddler had no choice but to burst out into peals of giggles and laughter which led to his parents doing the same.

Once everyone calmed down and F/n sternly told Odasaku to go to his room and wait for her, she turned to her brunet husband and asked him, "What was that about lying to mommy?"

"ODA! I'm helping you change because of my overwhelming love for you!"

Suddenly, a small voice yelled, "NO!" in the background. Obviously, Dazai ignored it and went after his son. Better his son's wrath than his wife's.

F/n giggled at the small, stern voice scolding Dazai and Dazai's apologies coming from Odasaku's room. She sighed and decided to head in the same direction to maintain peace in her home.