One Good Reason

The Deal

I don't dare to look up and meet his eyes. I just look down, until I feel his hand brushing mine which is still holding his credit card on the table. It feels like he is still hesitant, but he gets my attention. His eyes are tender, and I hope that he will apologize, instead of,

"We can't afford that."

What? I almost confess that I like him, probably crossing the professional line, but he says that we can't afford that?

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you say yes just like that? We weren't dating before, and how possibly you said yes to me? You know what it was all about. You couldn't be thinking that I was proposing for real, could you?"

"I..I...I know about your fake marriage plan. And yes, I simply thought that it was all about that. But why me? Was it because Soo Jin didn't come to the gala?"

"I never asked Soo Jin to. I think the matchmaker must have told you by now."

"So you've planned it? How could you even ask me to go shopping for the gown, and jewelry with you when you already knew there was no fake bride for you? Why did you pick me? So I was the only option left, wasn't I?"

"What is it with you?" He doesn't answer any of my questions. "did I send you the wrong signals?"

"You..you treat me like I mean...m-more than a...a  f-fake...bride."

"Yoon Jin Ah!" He chuckles. "How old are you? 23? 22? You're so young, so naive. What did I do?"

I drink down my water and take a long exhale. I am so embarrassed right now but at least, I have let it all out.

His tone turns softer, "I thought I knew what you want, and I could offer it."

"Exemption of the mandatory employment," I answer, sharply. Getting back my head, my heart, and my feet in the right place.

He folds his arms, "You so much want to go out of here, so what's the point of starting...that."

He emphasizes the word that. He knows that is whatever my heart is feeling right now. Does he just admit he also feels that but denying it for only God knows why?

I ask, "So will it be okay with you if I start that with someone else?"

I see veins on his fist, and his jaw is tightened. He drinks down the watermelon juice I made for him, then answers, "wait until we divorce. I don't wife you to sleep with another man."

I lean my elbows on the table, bend forward, nonchalantly I ask, "then you wife me to sleep with you?"

"I am expecting a better reputation, not ruining my reputation. Didn't you get the memo to be a good wife? In six months, you can go wherever you want, be whatever you want," he points at the front door as he says it. It's like he means it, for me to walk out of his life.

"Can I ask the same thing too? Stop looking for those...paid companions. It's for your own sake. Nobody likes a cheater. How would people expect you to be loyal to the company if you can't even keep your commitment with me, Oppa?"

I wonder if he can keep himself out of sex for six months. Well, I'm still a virgin, and I want to save myself for my husband only. My real husband.

He smirks, and takes the box of condoms out of his pouch, giving it to me, "good point. Deal, baby."

Taking a long inhale and exhale, I decide to just drop the argument and try to think about something else that makes me happy.

I am disappointed, of course! But he is right. What's the point of growing the feelings when we've agreed to separate?