The Apple of My Eye: A Collection Of Short Stories

Vampire Weekend

"Fellas!"

Kyle nibbled on his cookie just as Butters burst into the cafeteria. Kenny heaved a sigh, and Cartman kept shoveling food into his mouth.

"Fellas! You'll never guess what I heard," Butters was out of breath, plopping himself down on the empty seat in front of Cartman.

"What is it, Butters?" Stan rolled his eyes at the blond-haired boy.

Butters leans in, ready to spill the gossip.

"The Vamp kids are at it again! Vampir-the leader of the vampires says he is going to officially crown himself the king of the vampires and he's currently looking for a queen to rule by his side. That's bad news, that means he's going to rule the night once again! We've got to hide!"

Kyle arched an eyebrow as he finished his cookie. Butters might have been the kindest kid in school, but he was also the most gullible. Sometimes, Kyle felt a twinge of guilt because Cartman would exploit that, using Butters' naivety to bully him.

"Butters, there's no such thing as vampires. Those kids are just wannabes that drink clamato juice just to seem cool. It's annoying... They're always hissing at you just for kicks."

Butters mimics Kyle, turning to look at the table behind them. Right on cue, a vamp kid hisses at them, causing Butters to jump in fright.

"What do you mean, Kyle? I thought you were a vamp kid too."

Butters' question resonated with the guys. Cartman choked on his food, pointing accusingly, as Kenny chuckled under his hood. Stan pocketed his phone, drawn in by the turn of the conversation.

"Why would you think that?" Kyle inquired; his curiosity piqued.

"Gee I mean, you may not dress like one, but you definitely have the fangs like one. Oh! And you're always cooped up in that dusty old library all mysterious and whatnot. You're like an old-fashioned kind of vampire that likes to be all alone," Butters explained.

'Dammit... I can't reveal that it's because of my new elven heritage that I have these fangs. At least he doesn't know about these massive ears hidden under my hat,' Kyle thought to himself.

"Butters, my teeth were always like this, you must be overthinking again," Kyle tried to keep it cool.

"Nuh uh! There's no need to hide, Kyle. If you're a Vamp kid then embrace it, I'm sure that pretty lady you've been dating will accept you for who you truly are. Just try not to drink my blood."

Butters sprang from his seat, clutching a cross as he aimed it at Kyle.

"Just a precaution," Butters murmured, retreating with his gaze fixed on Kyle until he had safely left the cafeteria.

'Dude what the actual fuck... If Butters thinks I'm a stupid Vamp kid, then does that mean the whole school does as well?'

"Stan!"

Kyle swiftly takes hold of his best friend's shoulders.

"Riddle me this! If you didn't know about my 'you-know-what' would you think that I was a Vamp kid?!"

Stan remained quiet with uncertainty pasted across his face. Growing impatient, Kyle shakes him to hurry up with his response.

"I mean I don't know...maybe?" Stan finally spat out.

Kyle's arms fell in disbelief. He couldn't see himself as one of those vamposers. Vampires were once the epitome of cool until that ridiculous book series sparked a frenzy.

Sure, Kyle would confess he read it, driven by sheer curiosity over the buzz. Sparkling vampires, though? Just, why? And now, these 'Vamp' kids were idolizing this story over the timeless horror classics?