The Convicted Hero

State Lines

The words I was afraid to hear.
"I don't know"
Left Steve's lips and I could feel my insides turn upside down. Why didn't he know? Why didn't anyone know?

The room felt like it was closing in on me, everything was spinning and I could hear my heartbeat echo in my ears, I begin to hyperventilate feeling like everything was closing in on me. "Why doesn't anyone know anything, Steve? No body knows anything and no body can tell me the truth." I look at him grabbing my chest.
Tears begin to roll down my cheeks. "Was he at least a good man in the war, Steve?" I whisper, and he nods. I look to him with even more tear welling up in my eyes, I nod back biting my lip choking back the tears that had already given their letter of resignation to my brain.

Steve gets up and walks toward me taking my face in his massive hand tilting it up, I move my head up with his hand, looking him in the eyes still with tears in them. He takes my face and pulls it closer to his, pulling me into a kiss.
Not any kiss, a long kiss on the lips. I close my eyes taking a deep breathe through my nose, groaning only softly when he pushes me to lay on the bed. I place my hands on his cheeks slipping my tongue into his mouth as he climbs on top of me.
He takes one of his hands and places it on the bed beside my head sliding his other hand down the side of my body. I let go of the kiss. "S-Ste-" I whisper, he stops the rest of the sentence from getting out by giving me small kisses down my stomach leading to my yoga pants. I place my hands on his shoulders watching him move swiftly to only pull them down a little before kissing my hips then continuing on.
He looks up at me with a smile as he lifts me up just enough to pull them off, I start to fiddle around with his shirt trying to get it off of him before I could regret my decision.
"Bucky isn't really Bucky anymore.." I think to myself over and over again. "He's not the man I knew.."

Steve helps me with his shirt then moving to his belt, pulling it off in a few quick seconds. Then moving to my shirt pushing his hand under it then moving it up. "Bucky isn't Bucky anymore." I subtly mouth so Steve doesn't see.
Steve finished undressing the both of us putting his hand on the bed beside my head, I hold onto his wrist as he thrusts inside me. I let out a sigh of relief then a small moan biting my bottom lip looking up at him towering over me.
I pull him into another kiss keeping one hand on his cheek and the other on his back to keep myself stable as he keeps thrusting.
"Fuck.." I groan against his lips and he smiles against mine.
He keeps going, as I dig my nails into his back. He pulls me up so I'm sitting on his lap, he keeps going I bounce a little putting my other hand on his back keeping him close to me.
I look over his shoulder as he keeps going to the corner behind my door where Bucky used to stand, with my face partially buried in Steve's shoulder.

I start to freak out, Steve continues as I dig my nails further into his back.
"S-Steve.. Y-You need to s-stop.. This n-needs to s-stop.." I let out a sigh as he slowly comes to a stop. I look away from the corner crying into his shoulder.

He picks up my face. "Bella.. Bella, are you okay?" His whispers.
"We can't talk about this to anyone, Steve." He looks at me confused with a cocked eyebrow. "What's gotten into you?" He asks, in an impatient tone.
"Bucky is still alive, Bucky is my soulmate. Bucky is supposed to be in your place. Bucky was here, Bucky should be here." He rolls his eyes at me.
"What more do you want from me Steve? At least the love of my life is still here!" I yell at him, trying to get off his lap, only for him to toss me back onto the bed like a rag doll as he got up. He starts to get dressed, I pull a blanket to cover myself.

He points at me after getting his pants on. "Don't you ever bring shit like that into this, Bella! You know the situation yet you neglect to acknowledge it!" He yells.
He continues. "He was there and now he's gone, Bella! Get over yourself, you self sabotage everything that's good that greets you with open arms!"
I scoff. "Steve, I'm not the one who wants this! I never asked for this! I never asked to be saved and I definitely didn't ask to be bullshitted around by you or anyone else in this insufferable place!" I match his volume.
"Nick should've left me where he found me, OVER DOSED ON DRUGS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN! You shouldn't have saved me!" I choke on my words regretting them as soon as I said them. But continuing before Steve could.
"I would drive across state lines to be with Bucky! I would follow Bucky wherever he asked me to go, because I love him!" I hold the blanket covering myself a little bit closer.

He laughs at me, as if I were joking. "Are you crazy, Bella? He's not the same person you knew back then he can't help you in the way I can!" I scoff.
"Yeah, and you can help me so much." I roll my eyes. "You can't help me, Steve! You're fucking delusional!" I laugh at him.
"I'm the delusional one!?" He throws his hands in the air turning away from me.
"Yes! You are the delusional one, Steve! You think I like you or something!" I huff at him.

"Because there was a time when you did, remember after Bucky left? Hm? You confided in me, and my sex to get you through the day!" I shoot my eyes to his.
I almost gag at him, hating the word 'sex' then throwing a pillow at him. "Get out! You insane psychopathic human being!" He stands still before sighing in disgust at me and starting to walk away, not before turning around to look at me before opening the door and walking out with a slam.
Once he leaves, the tears I held back while he was there start coming. I take one of the throw pillows on my side holding it to my face screaming into it. Hoping to muffle the sound of it.

"Why did I do this?" I whisper to myself, after screaming into the pillow. Hugging it to my chest weeping softly.