So Good to You. (one shot)

One shot about Josh leaving for tour and leaving his girl, Olivia, behind. I do not own Josh or Marianas Trench and the photo I used for the cover. I wish I did, though. Meh. Enjoy!

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Josh will be leaving for tour in 2 days. This is going to be as hard as it gets for the two of us. First, we don't like being far from each other. And second, I'm still recovering from clinical depression and Josh's the only one who keeps me upbeat. It was always difficult for me to deal with distance and as much as I don't want to, the band's fans. 

They are all lovely and they keep the band going. I don't want to take josh away from the people who pushes them to keep reaching for their dreams. It just gets bad sometimes, for me anyway, because I'm insecure as fuck and these fans, especially the girls, are a lot prettier and probably more better than me. It's not that I'm not trusting Josh, it's just that I feel like I don't deserve Josh and he doesn't deserve me. He deserves so much better and I'm afraid that one day, he'll realize that.

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"Hey babe!" i turned around to see Josh clutching a bunch of paper bags with his one arm, and closing the door behind him with the other. I ran up to him and peeked through the small opening in between the paper bags, "you okay?" I asked. He chuckled and nodded. He went in to the kitchen and placed the paper bags on the counter. He turned around and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on top of my head. "you're tiny." He said while swaying me softly. "Shut up." I giggled. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest. "I'm gonna miss you." He said, I can hear the sadness in his voice. He kissed my forehead and continued to sway me softly. "I'm gonna miss having the douche around, too." I smiled, looking up at him. He looked at me with cheeky grin on his face, "that's offensive." He laughed. I scrunched up my nose and stuck my tongue out at him. I pulled away and went around the counter. I inspected the paper bags, "what are these?" I said pointing to the bags. "Oh, just a bunch of stuff for tour. 64% of the items are for Ian." He said while walking towards the living room. "Oh." I sighed. I almost forgot that they're leaving for tour tomorrow. I stood there, lost in my thoughts until Josh went back to the kitchen with his harmonica.

"You okay?" he asked, playing the harmonica while waiting for my answer. I scratched my head and turned around so he can't see my face, "yeah, never been better." I faked a smile and proceeded to mess around with the kitchen utensils. He walked towards me and rested his head on my shoulder. "You're not okay." he said. I let out a loud sigh and stared at the wall. "Fine Josh, I'm not." He put his arms on my shoulder and slowly spun me around until I was facing him. "I hate leaving you too, Olivia." He said softly. I looked up to see his icy blue eyes staring back at me. He had this sincere look on his face that gave comfort and reassurance, but my thoughts were much stronger.

"I'm just scared, josh. I mean, you get to meet a lot of people on tour… and a lot of girls too." I bit my lip, "…I'm just scared that one day, you might forget about me." I continued. He fixed my bangs and rested his hand on my cheek. "Why are you saying that, Liv?" He gently stroked my cheek and the gesture sent shivers down my spine. "Don't you trust me?" He asked softly. I held on to his forearm like I was holding on for dear life, "I trust you Josh." I tightened my grip and continued, "I trust you. And I love you. So much. But who am I to be with someone like you? I mean, look at you! You're a rock star, you have avid listeners and girls are throwing themselves to you. And then there's me, a girl who's recovering from clinical depression, who thinks she's ugly and hates herself most of the time, and is working at a shitty cafe just a few blocks from here. Our worlds are different, Josh. I don't understand why you're still with me in the first place. I would definitely understand if one day I'll receive a text from you telling me you're breaking up with me." I blinked a few times to stop the tears from falling.

We stood there, not talking for a few moments until Josh cleared his throat. I looked up and saw him fighting back the tears and his nose was red. I felt bad for hurting him like this. I knew from the start that he never liked me questioning his feelings towards me. He reached out for my hand and held it tightly with his two hands. "Liv, I hold you up above everyone, and everything. Yes, I do love my job, my band, the music, the fans but these things, they never made me as happy as you're making me. We may be different occupation-wise, but that doesn't mean anything. When we're on tour, there's no day that I don't look forward on coming home and being with you. You are the greatest thing and it hurts me to see you like this, to hear you say you don't deserve me. Liv, I'm doing everything I can to be deserving of you. You're the most precious thing I've ever seen, ever touched, ever loved. Please don't let these thoughts win over you."

I stood there, letting every word sink in to my brain. I felt my knees weakened and my throat tighten. I exhaled softly and before I knew it, tears were running down my cheeks. I bit my lip and felt very vulnerable in front of Josh. "I love you, okay Liv? I'll always come back to you. And here's my proof..." He knelt on his right knee and supported himself with his left. He pulled out a box and smiled nervously. "I know the kitchen isn't the most romantic place for proposals but I felt that this is probably the right time to do so, so… Olivia, the love of my life, the one I hold up above everyone, will you marry me?"

I covered my mouth in shock and the gasp I made was probably heard a few blocks away. I jumped up and down and yelled a "fuck yes!" with tears in my eyes. Josh stood up, lifted me and spun me around. He put me down and cupped my face, "now, we have something to look forward to after the tour. I promise I won't mess around with any chick, probably cuddle with Mike or Matt but that's it. I will never replace you with some girl who yells "fuck me" or "rape me" at me because that's fucking disgusting. And I can't wait to see you in that wedding dress." He grinned. He was about to kiss me when I stopped him, "just one favor." I said, shushing him. "What?!" He said, sounding frustrated. "Let's not get your glitter involved in the wedding, okay?" I giggled. "Aww muffins." He moaned. I pulled his shirt and crashed my lips in to his.

This boy, this rockstar, this man who loves cats more than I do, will soon be my husband and officially my partner in life.

I'd be so good to him.