The problem with depression

The problem with depression

It could be three monthes later.
You'll think "im doing better"
I havent thought of killing myself recently
I havent cut in monthes
And next thing you know its late at night
Your sitting there all alone
Dragging a blade over and over your wrist until theres blood everywhere
And the only thoughts in your head are
"Im damaged"
"Im broken"
"No one wants me"
"My friends would be better with me dead"
All your contemplating is what would be the best way to kill myself
The problem with depression is that your okay for months and all of a sudden
A bomb explodes
And that bomb sends shards of self hatred and thoughts of suicide everywhere
They stick into your brain
Attach to your wrist
Shred your soul to nothingness
It could be monthes since you last cut.
And you FINALLY wanted to be alive
But now its late at night
And i just finished dragging a blade across my skin
And all im thinking is im broken and damaged and useless.
I feel like the biggest mistake ever to appear.
There is blood everywhere
Bandaids are stuck to my wrists
Bloody gauze scattered the floor.
And everyone probably hates me
Because im a self destructive idiot
I destroyed my own happiness
I destroyed the most beautiful thing ive ever been graced with
I destroyed the relationship i once had.
Because destroying the urge to cut, by lighting up has over run my life.
And thats the problem with depression
It never truelly goes away
We just masquerade it with other destructive things
Pills.
Cigarettes
Drugs
And worst of all love
Because how can you enjoy love when you destroy your self.