Excerpt from Ducks, Newburyport

Excerpt from Ducks, Newburyport by Lucy Ellmann

Did the narrator of Lucy Ellmann's DUCKS, NEWBURYPORT predict a global pandemic? Find out in this breathless excerpt from what the Irish Times calls 'one of the greatest books of the 

century'. And once you're awe-struck by it, pick up a copy of THINGS ARE AGAINST US too!

Read the excerpt here:

-------------

THE FACT THAT the raccoons are now banging an empty yoghurt carton around on the driveway, the fact that in the early morning stillness it sounds like gunshots, the fact that, even in fog, with ice on the road and snow banks blocking their vision, people are already zooming around our corner, the site of many a minor accident, the fact that a guy in a pickup once accidentally skidded into our garage, and next time it could be our house, or a child, Wake Up Picture Day, dicamba, Kleenex, the fact that a pickup truck killed Dilly, the fact that she'd successfully dodged cars for three whole years, the fact that she knew all about cars, but during that time the traffic grew, the fact that it's crazee now, the fact that after she got killed the kids painted a big warning sign with a big black cat on it and stuck it right by the fence, but nobody notices it, the fact that they're all going too fast to see it, ♫ When the cat died we had catnip tea ♫, the fact that failure to yield causes one in five accidents in Ohio, the fact that car crashes are up twenty percent since 2009, haw tree, buckeye, black walnut, hickory, butternut, the fact that Stacy's old enough to handle the road but the other kids aren't, the fact that a little boy was killed in his bed just the other day by a skidding car crashing into his house, Ben asleep, the fact that there are two cardinals right now in the lilac tree, the fact that eleven percent of Americans carry on driving when the fuel-tank-empty light comes on, the fact that you'd think it'd be more like eighty percent, Ronny, chicken feed, the fact that there are macrophages, Ben, the fact that I dreamt I flew all the way to India to get a teaspoon of cinnamon but when I got home I realized I needed flaked almonds too, security, holding pattern, go figure, not in my back yard, the fact that we have to do our taxes and try to remember every little bit of income and expenditure, the fact that there was more of the latter than the former, Family Dollar, Baker's IGA, password, username, your card is now active and ready to use, the fact that not only do we have to calculate our income and expenditure but we gotta figure out how to get more money, and keep on getting money till we're dead, Medicare, Medicare For All, the fact that by the time Leo's old enough to get Social Security it probably won't cover the price of a ham sandwich, much less a bottle of wine, the fact that we're in for a wineless old age, oi veh, OJ, the fact that Leo has to go to Philly tomorrow and I'm not so good on my own, the fact that Ben knows so much for such a little kid, maybe too much, the fact that he says drugs work on a molecular level that can be assessed using logarithms and Schild Curves, but I just pop 'em and leave the rest to chance, breakfast, alarm clock, laundry, Spinbrush, the fact that we have to have a cocktail party and I don't know what to wear, the fact that the only fun part is deciding on the canapés, cocktails, cock-a-doodle-do, cock, oh my word, the fact that words just pop into my head, dear me, the fact that I've got to get the dough going for the cinnamon rolls, the fact that at least we're not having any more dinner parties, the fact that I put my foot down there, ♫ Your feet's too big ♫, feat of strength, footloose and fancy-free, the fact that our parties are always a big flop anyway because the kids come down in the middle in their onesies and kill all conversation with cuteness, the fact that they look like polar bear cubs and they know it, the fact that sometimes they end up serving the drinks too, the fact that I don't know what Prof Pranump would make of that, especially since she's teetotal, tea, Triscuits, Ritz crackers, Saltines, Fritos, Doritos, Frito-Lay, Planters peanuts, Blue Diamond smoked almonds, Prohibition, Some Like It Hot, the fact that soon polar bears and walruses will have nowhere to go, because the polar ice is melting, walruses, cheese and pineapple on sticks, cheddar cheese logs, school bus, ground cardamom, dried cherries, zest, the fact that walruses can swim for four hundred miles, sure, but not forever, for Pete's sake, the fact that animals behave predictably, they don't pride themselves on irrationality the way we do, the fact that, according to Ben, half the mammals on the planet will disappear by 2050, pineapple on sticks, the fact that Ben says everybody on earth will soon be starving or suffocating or dying of SARS or Ebola or H5N1, and H5N1 only has to mutate a few more times and we're all goners, the fact that maybe it was all for nothing, the fact that Stacy would probably approve of a global pandemic, as long as it included us, nearest and dearest, but before that happens, we still have to do our taxes, and Leo needs to fix the garage door ...

-------------