Loki x Reader One Shots

The Cut That Always Bleeds

Wc: 698
-TW FOR MENTION OF SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, AND STARVING-

Day 1824,

I heard his voice agin last night. I got a good solid four hours of sleep. That's more than usual.

Tomorrow marks the 5 year anniversary of half of all life across the universe being snapped. Honestly, it feels way longer. I never expected to live this long without Loki and Astraea. I thought I would have starved to death or killed myself by now. But what Steve said to me really got to my head; "Y/n, what if you kill yourself and then they come back. Loki won't be able to properly raise your daughter by himself after losing the love of his life."
And Steve Rogers, as usual, was right. I have him and the others to thank for me being alive right now. Not just advice, but for sending me care packages to help me in my depressive state. Even after what I did they still care about me. Maybe I do have some people to live for.

-Y/n

Laying in bed was all I ever did these days. Occasionally I would paint my long gone baby girl and husband, but that was about it. I would sit and admire the photos of my family for hours at a time, and hold my own hand and imagine it was his. I used to line up all the pillows beside me in bed and imagine it was him, too. I stopped because it gave me false hope. The boy I'd known my entire life was gone, and so was our daughter.

We always dreamed of having a family and of course, just as it had started it was all over. With the snap of a finger, my life was dark once more.

I'm thankful for Steve. I remember when he first came to visit me. I was sitting on the sofa and I had Astrea's bunny rabbit in my arms. I answered the door and was shocked. I thought the Avengers hated me after I chose The God of Mischief over being a hero.

"How did you find me, Steve."

"We never lost you. We just kept our distance."

"If you're here to recruit me, Cap, I don't think I'm in the best shape for a fight."

"Y/n, you're an Asgardian who is also the most independent person I know. How did everything get so bad?"

"My husband and daughter got Blipped a year ago, Steve. That's what happened."

All he did was nod. I remember that specifically.

"We want you to come stay with us. When did you last eat, Y/n? No offence, but you look horrible. I think you could use better care. We can provide that at the Tower."

"I'm alright, Cap. I may have not eaten in quite a while and I may still be wearing the same clothes from last week, but I can take care of myself. Thank you, though. It's good to know I still have you guys."

"I'm glad to see you, Y/n."

"Do you want to come in, Steve? Tell me about how... things...are going back at the Tower?"

***

The room was a mess. I hadn't touched any cleaning supplies for five years. And for someone who used to love everything so clean it sparkled, that was saying something. I used to love organizing and now I love my bed. That's a lie. I love nothing anymore except for my family who don't even exist anymore.

I stared out the foggy window, out into the rain. I could see the bright green leaves on the trees and the grey sky, but nothing of interest to me.

I must have stayed looking out the window for a couple minutes, because my eyes began to water. And watering soon became full on snot running out of my nose and curling myself up into a ball. A ball of one mentally messy goddess.

"Y/n?"

"Go away. I know you're just the voices in my head. You come here every single night and taunt me. Well, I've had enough." I said loudly and groggily.

"Darling? Where are you?"

The sound was coming from the kitchen. Thats where they were when they disappeared.