Rogue Mate

Packed

The combination of excitement and nerves made my stomach naseous as I stared down at the backpack sitting innocently on my bed, completely packed.  Its simple, black, poly and nylon exterior gave no indication of the importance of its contents.  Inside, it held everything I owned, everything I would need for the round the world trip I'd dreamed of for years.  I'd known this day was coming, I'd bought the plane tickets after all, but the realization that I was about to begin my journey across the Atlantic to see the world had just started to really sink in.  I'd be going to countries whose languages I didn't speak, eating foods I'd never tried before, wandering streets I'd never seen, meeting people with completely different views and experiences than me...

Breaking my gaze away from the staring contest with my backpack that I surely couldn't win, I started searching my room for the fifteen millionth time to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.  I could clearly see I hadn't, considering I'd sold most of my belongings to help fund my trip.  My bookcase sat empty, my walls bare, and I could see from where I stood the pitiful remains of my closet, holding a few pieces of clothing that I couldn't bear to part with.  Even my bed sat stripped of its comforter and sheets, my parents planning on buying new ones so they could use this room for guests.  Only the food and water bowl for my cat, Ares, indicated that someone had used this room, and I doubted my parents planned on keeping the bowls here once I left.

Exiting my room, I walked down the hallway into the living room where I could see my parents sitting.  My dad looked over from the basketball game he watched, his dark brown eyes following my movements around the room while I continued my search.  "Quintuple checking?" he asked, smiling a little when he saw my eyes narrow in response, "Pebbles, I'm sure you've packed everything.  You, your mom, and I can each go through the list one more time before you leave, but you still have three days.  In the meantime, stop wearing holes into the carpet from your pacing and just relax.  You're working yourself into a frenzy. "

Sound advice or not, I sat down in the plush leather armchair across from the matching couch my parents sat on, attempting to stop the persistent nagging in the back of my brain that I had forgotten something.  Ares, my solid black cat with lime green eyes, jumped up into my lap and settled himself down for a nap.  I had a feeling he knew I'd leave him soon; he shadowed me wherever I went, and whenever I sat down he made a point to come cuddle with me.  I scratched his favorite spot between his ears as I leaned back into the chair, trying to relax.

"I just don't want to forget anything.  Its expensive to ship stuff over sees, and I don't want to leave something stupid and pay for it again" I said, trying to defend my OCD double... triple... whatever-checking.  I knew that if I did forget anything minor I could buy it once I arrived, but I didn't want to spend my precious savings unecessarily.  Buying a tube of mascara could mean losing a night at a hostel in Vietnam, or a small lunch at a cafe in Amsterdam.  In theory, I could always go without buying the mascara, but I knew the simple comfort of makeup would probably trump the extra night in the hostel.

My father nodded his head before turning back to watch the game, letting a comfortable quiet settle between us.  I closed my eyes and sunk into the armchair a little more, the low volume of the TV mixed with my parent's presence soothing my nerves.  He was right, I needed to relax.  I had my bag in order, my plane ticket bought, and my living accomadations sorted out.  I didn't need to worry.  I knew I kept letting myself get worked up over all the small details, because I still hadn't really accepted I'd turned my pipe-dream into my reality.

I'd tried traveling before, but nothing had ever worked out.  Mostly, I had tried to foreign exchange in college, but something always came up that prevented me from going.  Between money, family, health, and internships, nothing ever seemed to go in my favor.  My junior year, after I'd been approved by the foreign exchange program, but  couldn't get any of the overseas classes approved for credit towards my major at my current college, I'd decided I'd had enough of people telling me no, and things not working out.  I'd moved back in with my parents, to save on rent, and then saved every additional penny I'd made to go towards travel. Work ate up most of my free time, and any free time I had I tried not to spend money.  The combination made me lose quite a few friends; they couldn't understand why I wouldn't pay five dollars for bar cover, or ten dollars for a movie ticket.  The combination was also what made my mother realize I was serious about travelling, and I really was going to leave her.