All for Love (Fin)

IV

Have you ever felt that the world around you is collapsing, and the ground under you is hesitating if it would open up or not?  That was how I felt then.  But the world did not collapse.  And the ground did not open up.  Instead, it went on.  As if nothing happened.

 It seemed so long, and somehow, I used to think I have forgotten about it.  I thought it was alright now.  I have moved on.  It didn’t hurt anymore.  I was okay because I was able to start all over again, from scratch, with the person who loves me and who I am slowly learning to love.

 Yodo-kun has always been there.  He understood, even if I didn’t tell him anything.  He is the person I’m supposed to think of… the only person I’m supposed to love…

 But why does it feel this way?  As I stare at Kei, standing in the middle of the road, somehow I feel as if all the memories are rushing back like a powerful wave.  How could he still do it – to revive these mixed emotions that I thought I have long suppressed – in just a glance?

 I can feel the stinging pain in my eyes.

 That beautiful, familiar face that I have memorized every inch of.  Those arms that held me tight against the cold.  Those sleepy eyes that used to look at me as if I was the only thing that mattered in the world.

 But I can’t cry!  I shouldn’t cry!

 I have endured it all this time, and I know I can endure it again.  I will not cry.  I will not…

+++

 “Uso.”

 “Ee?” I heard Yamada ask.

 Yuki moved her eyes away and started walking towards me.  But I felt like my feet were glued on the concrete road.  I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t even take my eyes off her.

 I never had a chance to talk to her again.  I couldn’t.  I couldn’t even say I’m sorry.

 And that I still love her.

 Yuki didn’t look at me as she passed by.  I felt as if everything was in slow motion.  Those were the longest seconds of my life.

 “Ne, Inoo…” Yamada.

 I felt as if my fists tightened by themselves.

 “Chotto…”

 I turned around.  She’s walking faster and faster now, further away from me.  In the corner of my eye I see some girls focus their cameras at me for some stolen shots.  Yamada stopped on his tracks.  But my eyes are only on Yuki.  My Yuki.  My…

 “Chotto matte yo, Yuki!” I shouted.