Dear Diary

chapter 1

The rain started to bounce of the window loudly as I lay in my bed writing. My cat Simba jumped up at the rain sounds and hit me up on the face with his paw. "Shhhh it's ok it's just rain," I whispered to him. He lay back down next to me and closed his eyes. I kept writing like always. I wrote, My boyfriend Jack asked to have sex with me today. At first I said no but he kept asking and said I was being a bitch by leading him on. Eventually I said yes. I hated it. Just then my mum came in and told me it was time to go sleep. She took my phone and TV remote like always and then turned of my light and closed my door. I waited a few minutes and then turned on my desk lamp.

I wrote everything about my depression, me not liking boys, my girl crush, my iner thoughts, my urges to hurt people and my family stuff. And then I dozed off into a dream.
In my dream I was lying in bed with Jack and he started kissing me and without even asking he undid his pants and he started kissing down thier. I looked up and saw a rainbow flag above me and when I looked back down it was Leah. She started doing all kinds of things to me and it felt so good.

I woke up the next morning and wrote the whole dream and I couldn't stop thinking about it. All the things she did to me that could never imagine a man doing. Is it sign maybe? Am I... gay. Again I pulled out my diary and wrote down all these thoughts with the date. Then I heard a knock on my door and I dreaded to answer it.

It was Jack. I opened the door and Jack said,"Hey babygirl," with a smug smile on his face. "Hey," I muttered back and then I went to turn around but grabbed me and pushed me up against the door and kissed me.  I didn't like it, it made me feel so gross and sickend." Jack stop," I said as I pushed him off me but he just said "oh Comon you know you love it," And pinned me to the door. "No I don't now stop before my parents see us,". He didn't listen though and kept kissing me. I pushed off me hard so he fell backwords but again he went to come back in. Just as his lips touched mine I slapped him. I yelled "No means no you pig!" and then I walked off. He opened his mouth to shout something but my dad walked out from the living room so he went quite.

Again as I was eating breakfast I wrote all this down. And then I walked to school with Jack but I didn't speak to him at all. I walked ahead of him purposely and kept my earphones in. When I got to school Blaire ran up to me and started talking about celebrity couples and how she thinks two teachers are hooking up. "BLAIRE," I snapped at her. "What?" "Im sorry if this sounds really mean but will you stop talking 2 fucking minutes!?" She gave a nervous look and said,"What wrong?"

After I told her about what happened with Jack she looked so pissed off like she might kill him. She opened her mouth to speak but didn't and then shouted "I swear if that prick does that again I will kick him in the balls so hard he won't be able to walk for weeks!" Jesus I thought better hope she doesn't see him in the halls.

While I was at my locker I put my diary in hidden amongst some jotters and left to go to class. In art Jack's friends kept flicking rubbers and paint brushes at me but I didn't say anything. I didn't want them to tell the whole school I slept with him. As I was painting Leah had been asked to swap seats with the girl next to me.

She came over and said hi and stuff then we just started painting. Those guys at the back kept throwing shit but it was hitting me and Leah. I saw one come flying towards Leah and it hit her in the back of the head. Slowly she put her hands on the back of her head then looked at her hands they were covered in Red paint. She asked me which one of them did it and I point at lucas. She walked up to the counter and filled up and red pot and then while walking past him pretended to trip and poured the whole thing over his head. She left after and then Lucas followed her. 
I ran out to check if Leah was gonna be ok when I remembered my diary.

I ran to my locker and opened it up but my diary wasn't there. After emptying out the whole thing I realised it was deffinetly gone. 
Shit