nicotine [larry] (slow updates)

two

Louis awoke with an excruciating ache that spread throughout his body, opening his eyes to complete darkness and a stomach that begged for food.  Clutching his stomach, he crawled around the small, cramped space, feeling around for a door. He knocked on the locked passageway that was separating him from the living room, each knock bringing more tears to his eyes. The fifteen year old let out a weak 'Mum.' in hopes his mother knows he learned his lesson. Louis had a horrible day at school the previous day, resulting in him being hard-headed and acting with a bitter attitude towards his mother, because for God's sake, he just wanted to be left alone. Johanna screamed at him that night, her voice still present in Louis' mind in the quiet, dark closet. She didn't dare look twice at his tear stained face as she shoved him in a closet with nothing to eat.

"For lord's sake, Jay," Louis heard the voice of his father through the door. "You can't keep locking the kid in there. What the fuck else do you do while I'm at work?" The teenager heard the rattling of keys, and his father opened the closet, heart breaking for the young boy who cringed at the bright light. "Lou!" Keith helped his son up and pulled him into his embrace, glaring at his wife. "Are you alright son?" 

Louis pulled away, not making eye contact with either of his parents, nodding. 

"Louis, I-" Jay started, but when her damned broken son brought his eyes up to meet hers, she froze, heart shattering. "I'm sorry, I-" Louis lifted his hand up, shaking his head, making his mother fight back tears.

Louis spent that morning in his room crying in bed after scarfing down the food that his father prepared for him. All he wanted was to feel the love his parents had for him, if they even loved him. But the thing is, Louis did everything. 

He fought to keep his grades up, he got countless medals for sports, attained Student of the Year awards not once, not twice, but three years in a row. Louis was all in all a great person, he had a big heart and amazing sense of humor. He could take anything else, go through all the pain in the world possible, but if he knew his parents loved him, he'd have enough strength to live lifetimes. There is no worse feeling possible than the feeling you get after you see a look of disgust on your family's face.

And sadly, that pain was with Louis all the time.

Louis closed his eyes that morning, tears still spilling down his face, and he spoke. He didn't know who he was speaking to, maybe God, if there was one, maybe his conscience, or himself in a parallel universe where he was happy. He took a deep breath before shuddering it back out just like he always did when he cried.

 "Stars," he started, choking on his breath, "Stars shine the brightest on the darkest nights. 

But I'm not a damned star.

I am nothing beautiful. I'm not something that catches your eye.

I'm just me, and I'm nothing." he said bitterly.

"My heart is stone, but it still fucking trembles, it still trembles.

I just want to feel love. I want to know they care about me.

Can you fucking hear me?

Because without them, I just feel like fading away. 

I feel like I shouldn't be here, and I feel like they regret having me.

Why would you put me in their lives if I'd just be a burden?

Lord, can you hear me now? Lord, can you hear me now?!"  His delicate voice cracks, his once bitter tone now broken, turning into a yell. At this point his parents were listening to every word he was saying, having no idea how to comfort him.

"Because I could speak all the languages of the Earth and heal people's hearts with the words I speak, but without their love I will never be more to myself than a clanging cymbal, I'd just be extra noise." Louis takes a moment to breathe, hot tears not seizing to pour out of his tired eyes. His entire body crumbles, and he sinks into the bed, laying down and bringing his legs to his chest and holding them closer than his dear life.

All the poor boy wanted was to undress his heart, and show them how much it hurts, so he could see how much they intend to make it stop.