nicotine [larry] (slow updates)

one

As Harry Styles walked through the crowded streets of New York City, he eagerly searched for his Marlboro pack in his pockets and when done so, pulled out the last stick, not realizing he had a look of I'll-ruin-your-day irritation on his pretty face. Work was yet to get easier, and stress was yet to disappear. He steps aside to light his cigarette, and that's when he saw him for the first time.

Standing in front of a magazine stand, a black and white picture of a sweet seraphim with icy eyes; irises that looked clear with the filter and sharp, chiseled cheekbones. Harry placed the cigarette between his lips and picked up the magazine. Whoever he was, one thing was for sure: he was sculpted by Greek gods. "Louis Tomlinson, 19" it read on the cover, towards the bottom on fine print. Just like other male models, Louis was dressed in all black, his hair styled out of his face, not looking directly at the camera with his chin turned down.

But after so many years of seeing all kinds of models through his eyes as a photographer, Harry realized Louis looked unhappy. Models didn't usually smile, but this was a different version of "unhappy." Louis lacked the confidence that most had, and this wasn't those shoots where the model should give the impression of "shy and mysterious." Louis looked hesitant. Skeptical. Ambivalent. 

Naturally, Harry wanted to make Louis happy.

He didn't know what is was, even contemplating his own thoughts. Maybe it was the fact that he was a perfectionist, and he always loved the confidence of a professional model. Or maybe because he'd go ape if he was photographing an un-confident model. Or maybe because he didn't want others to feel the same pain he felt. The pain he felt after his sister died. Chills crawled up Harry's spine at the thought. 

Little did Harry know, Louis was broken. He was unhappy, he lacked in confidence.

Growing up, Louis was the ideal child, he joined all the clubs, he was loved, adored; by many, he had good grades all his life, he did everything he could to make his parents happy and proud of him.

And his parents, how they loved the boy. Johanna, his mother, was pregnant with Louis at the age of 16, after a one night stand (or, so it was planned to be.) with Keith, his father. Johanna refused to get an abortion, so J. and K. entered wedlock, having Louis a few months later on Christmas Eve. Jay's parents, thankfully were supportive, but their daughter refused to cause them trouble and moved in with Keith. 

The two grew to love each other and ended up becoming each other's best friends. A beautifully naive couple; immature at heart and trying to raise a son and find jobs to support their messed up family. 

And as times went on, time got more difficult, the couple grew to become less intimate than before, secretly sick of each other as Louis only reached the age of 4. Johanna still had to figure out what being a good mother really was. And Keith spent nights after work at the bar in the presence of other women, drinking stress and regret away, though he knew in his heart that he didn't regret marrying beautiful Johanna.

Louis grew to be a boy, then a young man, and he grew up in a home that was not a home, for there were things that resided inside of it that did not belong, such as hatred, lies, resentment. He was a child for a short amount of time when he should've had forever.

Everyone makes mistakes, no matter what age, what gender, where you come from. Human error is inevitable, inexorable. Louis so hard to please his mother, but any simple mistake would make Johanna upset, for she thought she was becoming a better mother. She lacked in knowledge of how to discipline, better yet, how to properly raise a child. Whenever she was let down by his son, she'd refuse to feed him or lock him in the closet, all alone in a dark, cramped space, thoughts and tears drowning him. Not because she didn't love him, oh no, she loved that boy with everything she had. She was doing what her inexperienced mind thought was right.

Louis had everything a naive teen could've wanted, popularity, smashing looks, good grades. But all that didn't mean anything without the love of his parents. But his parents loved him. Oh, how they loved him. If their love was a hurricane, Louis was a tree bending beneath the power of the strong winds. If only they knew how to show it.

 They say that you should thank those who love you, for making your heart grow fonder. But that was not the case here. And you should thank those who care, for making you feel important. But if anything, they made him feel smaller. Smaller and smaller each day, to such a minuscule size where any wrong step could ruin him, and he lived in fear for those around him. The boy couldn't see his parents' love for him, and suddenly his life lost meaning.