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by graystirwin

by graystirwin

first of all, i just really wanna say that im so so sorry for not updating in forever (if anyone cares lol) !!!!!! my life has been absolutely insane between school, volleyball, and family. i really hope you can forgive me!

songs that i listened to while writing this chapter:
how to save a life by the fray
worn by tenth avenue north (they're a christian band.. go check them out if you like christian music, they're incredible and their songs are so meaningful)
if you don't know by 5sos (this song is so underrated like its my fave by them and no one ever gives it any recognition !!!)
never be alone by shawn mendes
be still by the fray
im a mess by ed sheeran
a little too much by shawn mendes
once in a lifetime by one direction
by your side by tenth avenue north
(im slow okay lol)

the next few days were a blur. there were, and still are, cops all over the castle. i continue to see them walking by with a box of ezra's belongings or whispering to one another over pieces of printed paper. i find it difficult because i really want justice for ezra but i want the privacy of my home back.

i keep catching myself staring hopelessly at the picture of us on my nightstand and sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow. it's a candid photo of us laughing hysterically, all dressed up for one of the many charity events that we've held here throughout my lifetime. it's undoubtedly my favorite picture and he will always be my favorite person, whether he's here or watching over me in heaven. i know that it will take me a long time to be okay again after this and i have accepted that i will never go back to normal.

im dragged away from my thoughts when there is a knock on my door. "good afternoon, princess. detective styles is here to see you, may he come in?" clara asks, along with a tray piled with cookies and teacups.

"can i have a few minutes, please, clara? i'll be down as soon as im ready." i sniffle, getting up from my bed.

"sure, dear. i will let him know."

"thank you," i say as i change into something presentable. i untangle my caramel waves and attempt to cover my red, splotchy cheeks, failing. my best friend was just murdered, harry will understand if i don't look stunning.

as i shuffle down the grand staircase, i hear him conversing with jeremiah. a friendly exchange, it seems, but it's clear that there is awkward tension. it's not everyday that the royal family members have to team up with homicide detectives. when i reach the landing, jerry acknowledges my approach. "hey, fair. how are you feeling today?"

"not any better, really. thanks, though. oh, hello, harry, it's nice to see you."

harry smiles gently, "good afternoon, princess. may i speak with you in private?" i nod and he leads me into the library and sits down on the leather couch, gesturing for me to join him. i sit, making sure to keep a distance.

"please, call me farah. what can i do for you, harry?"

"well, farah, i am here as a friend, not for work. i wanted to check on you to see how you're holding up. this is tough, i know, and it really can take a toll on people. im sad to say that many homicide cases end up with suicides by loved ones, and i can't stand to let that happen to you. you have such a bright future and this country absolutely adores you," he scoots closer to place his hand on my shoulder. "you're so important to the people of genesecia."

"wow, thank you, harry. that truly means the world to me." i give him a slight smile.

he smiles again, "you're beyond welcome, farah. i want you to know that my offer still stands. im here for you if you need me."

i stay silent for a minute, contemplating whether im going to confide in this semi-stranger or save him from my difficulties. i know i need to share my feelings with someone, otherwise i will explode. "i just feel like i've lost everything, you know? ezra was my best friend, my better half. he kept me going. but now, he's gone forever and i don't know what to do with myself. he always knew exactly what to say. he was my soulmate. not in a romantic way but in that he and i went perfectly together. i feel so freaking empty without him. at this point, i honestly just want to die, but i can't because, like you said, i have a country to think of. i just don't know how to continue on with my life when the only person that ever really understood me is gone."

he was quiet, lower lip pulled between his teeth, eyes concentrated on the floor. "believe it or not, i can relate. i once lost someone dear to me and it ripped me to pieces. it took me years to get my life back on track but i don't believe that i will ever fully heal, and that's alright. you can't just lose someone you love and forget about it. you just have to remember the happiness that their life gifted to you."

"who was it, if you don't mind my asking?" i couldn't help my curiosity.

he sighed. "it's alright. when i was about ten, i lost my younger sister, alice, in a boating accident. she was my whole world, and one day she was just gone. i spent the next five years acting out at school and breaking the rules at home, which i know didn't help my family in any way. i had begun to think that my life was going to crash right in front of my eyes, but then i met liam. he's my partner at work and my best friend at home. that man changed my life and i will have a brotherly love for him forever because of it," he stopped and laughed a bit. "im sorry for boring you, princess."

"oh, i don't mind at all. i enjoyed getting to know a little bit about you. and i just want to say thank you for letting me talk things out with you. ezra was the only one i could ever open up to." i turned away so he wouldn't see the tear roll down my cheek.

"like i said, im all ears," i moved to wipe another oncoming tear which didn't go unnoticed this time. "hey, lovely, don't be afraid to cry. it's normal to have feelings, especially now. the way i see it, crying shows more strength than weakness." at that, i let out a loud sob, tucking my face into his shoulder. he squeezed my side and pulled me close to him, rubbing my back and brushing over my hair. it was very comforting to know that there was someone else in this world that could understand me at least partially like ezra did.

that night, i lay awake, the conversation with harry running through my mind. i felt a slight tingle in my stomach at the thought of him. there's no way im crushing on the homicide detective.. besides, my marriage to zayn is already in place. but as i fell asleep, i dreamt of harry and it was the happiest i had been in days.

--
so there's that... thoughts??

this chapter literally took forever lol

question:
do any of you know any good shawn mendes fanfics? i reaaaallly want a good one to read!

please please PLEASE comment, vote, and help my story grow!!

love you all and thanks for reading!! -gracie xx