THIN ICE |BOOK I |BWWM|

•ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 21•

•OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA•

Julia's POV

My mom used to tell me, "Someone can be your safe place only when their actions are more comforting than the words they use to convince you of security."

I sat once again in Dr.Sullivan's office ready for another mind detox while Olivia's words made their daily rounds.

"...even I'm not stupid enough to think that he'll choose you over his family."

"I can start whenever?" I leaned against the sofa's armrest staring at the blank sheet of paper in my lap, trying to stay focused.

"Whenever you're ready."

"Okay."

• • • •

It was Wednesday and I remember I was sad that morning. I remember because you and Mom had an argument the day before about you missing half of your week. She screamed into the phone for what felt like forever before she just hung up.

It's funny, I realized it only later, but I was happy she hung up on you. It was my first time seeing you in months and you had let work get in the way again. I had so much to tell you and show you. I just wanted to see you again, to know I wasn't alone- that you cared.

I remembered when you finally showed up earlier that afternoon. My chest was so warm and all worry seemed non-existent. You said you only had today to be with me, but we could do anything that I wanted.

And I wanted what I always did- ice cream and a day at the beach to watch the fireworks.

The sun kissing my cheeks and the cool treat cooling me down was euphoric. Cardiff's summer was debating between being too breezy or hotter than the Devil's anus, but that day-that day was perfect. I guess that's what makes the memory so bitter.

As we walked the big bricked sidewalk, you know -the one I couldn't help but play hopscotch over- I finally decided to ask you about that sling your arm was in.

It was of course an injury from work.

You'd always kept answers to my questions about your job short. I wouldn't dare ask to meet these people. Not after your spine numbing answer from last time.

I was just curious, you know, but you were so hostile.

"The people I work for, they're dangerous. I don't want you to ever be around them, and don't you ever ask me about them again."

In retrospect I know you were just looking out for me.

Jokes on you....it didn't work. I'm sorry about that.

I should've listened, and not just heard you. Not just ignored you in anticipation of the fireworks. Not totally tuned you out because I was tired of hearing you say it. Not drowned you out when I blushed at Adrian's touch during the repast. Not pushed you to the back of my mind when Adrian took me out for the first time. Not blurred your words when I said "I do". Not closed myself off when I was pissed that you left me alone on this earth. And not now when I feel insecure because I miss you so badly that I desperately seek comfort from a heartless soul.