his dark obsession

let me into your soul

The drive back to the house is quiet and tense. Vladimir keeps shooting little glances at me, and I feel his need for more insight into answering his question hanging like a sword over my head. Truthfully, I'd stand with him in this life and the next. I'd lay down my own life for his. But at the end of this, could I handle him dying and leaving me, maybe leaving us? Physically, I'd be okay, but emotionally and mentally, I'd never be whole again. So now I'm stuck in this awful mental place, trapped somewhere between an existential dilemma and a crisis of conscience. After our little heart-to-heart and spontaneous wedding of sorts last night, I thought we were on the same fucking page. The two of us against the world. I made the decision to trust him, to need him, to rely wholly on him. But now I keep thinking, what if I lose him? I won't survive it. Not a loss that great. And what of our potential baby? It will need a father.

Turning my gaze to the window, I look out, but I'm not really seeing anything. It's bright and sunny, but everything is gray. As gray as a fucking graveyard. Before today, I could only think of myself. Now I think of myself in terms of making someone else happy and giving someone else my all, only wanting acceptance from them. Vladimir does all that and more for me. I will not lose him. I can't.

The car begins to slow down, and it takes me a moment to realize we're pulling into the garage. Vladimir inches the car forward before throwing it in park and shutting off the engine. He hits a button, and the garage door rolls down behind us. I don't even have to look over to know his attention is riveted on me. I can feel it bearing down on me, the pressure of it nearly crushing me into my seat. Afraid I might crack, I undo my seatbelt and grab the door handle. I push my door open and hop out before Vladimir can stop me. A second after my feet hit the ground, I hear his door pop open.

"My love..." he says, his voice deep with a hint of warning.

Rushing up to the door that leads inside the house, I say over my shoulder, "I'm not trying to run. I just need a minute... some time to think, Vlad..." I take the two steps leading up to the door in one step and grab the handle. My fingers twist, and nothing happens. Of course, the damn thing is access code locked, and I don't have a key. It's the fucking story of my life. Groaning, I lean my forehead against the door, fighting the urge to bang my head against it. Vladimir's door slams shut behind me, and I jump in surprise, rattled by the loud noise. Heart pounding in my throat, I slowly spin around to face him. All it takes is one look to know he's not going to give me the space I'm asking for. Stalking forward, he moves with the sinister grace of a natural-born predator that knows he's at the top of the food chain. Unlike most of the big men I've come across during my short life, none of them intimidated me in the least, but Vladimir does. There's no clumsiness or overcompensation in his movements. No, he's a man that's completely comfortable in his skin. He relishes in the advantage it gives him.

"Vladimir, please..." I can't help but plead, and I never beg. "I just need a little time."

Eyes nearly white-hot with heat, they land on my face, and I shrink back. "There's no time, my queen," he says with a finality that causes my heart to instantly drop to my stomach as butterflies take flight.

"I've already wasted years of my fucking life on meaningless shit. I won't waste another second because your fear of this beautiful future is holding you back." He steps up to me, and for once, we're nearly eye to eye.

"I'm not afraid," I bluff, forcing myself to meet his gaze.

"Don't lie to me, beautiful," he growls and reaches out, grabbing me roughly and pulling me close. His fingertips brush tenderly up and down my somewhat flat tummy, caressing it.

"I know you're scared for our child's future. I can see that in your beautiful eyes, my queen. You're not afraid of dying or taking a bullet. You're scared of being left alone in the end without me and our child fatherless. Am I right?"