And in that very moment, I just wanted Owen. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and I wanted him to tell me that everything was perfect. I wanted him to kiss me and spin me around and tell me that he loves me. I want that so badly, but I can't have it. I was in the middle of who in the world knows and I was hundreds of miles away from my family. I was running on coffee and snacks, though I'd thrown most of it up on the way. I tried to hold back the tears that puddled in my eyes, but they had already started to slide down my cheeks.
I feel a buzz come from my pocket and I pick up my phone to see Jasper calling me. I pull over to the side of the road, and I answer.
"Hi," I murmured into the phone.
"Hi," he says shakily. "I'm really sorry about yesterday, I was having a crappy day."
"Jasper," I pause. "When will you understand?"
"Huh?" he asks in confusion.
"I want you on your good days and your bad. I want you on the days where you can't make yourself get out of bed and I want you on your days where you're dancing around the house in your underwear. I want you on the days when you make me want to rip my hair out of my head and on the days that my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It's you. I want you. I will always want you," I explained. "We may not be dating but that doesn't mean we can't still be best buds. I still love you, but . . ."
He cuts me off before I can continue, "Eleanor always told me that anything someone says before 'but' doesn't count."
"Okay, then I love you. No but's," I chuckle a little, but Jasper stays silent. I stop laughing now. "Jasper, I really mean it though. I really do love you. With all my heart."
"I love you too, Rae." Then, he's gone. No goodbye, he just hung up. I wanted to scream at him. But I can't. I look out my window and begin to slowly roll it down.
And I scream, my lungs start to ache, but it feels good to get my feelings out. "Ah!" I shriek. I opened my door and got out, but I collapsed onto my knees as I did so. The dirt covers my knees but I don't pay attention. I continue to scream until my lungs can't take it so I go silent. I sat there for a moment. I lightly fall into the dirt and start to think about all the crazy crap that has happened to me on the last day. I wanted to just turn around and go home and so that's what I'd do. But I need to talk to Jasper before I do.
I loved him but he could get on my nerves. Our love was meant for movie screens. The lovers that were more than friends but less than a couple. They loved each other as friends but you could see that they'd always be a little more than just that. A little too comfortable. A little too loving. And just a little too caring to just be friends.
I drove for another 10 minutes before I got to the bed and breakfast —Viv's Inn— it was a small building but it'll do. I got my extra clothes that stayed in the backseat of the car, got my wallet, and started to head in. The place had a welcoming lobby that I admired as I went to the reception desk, where a lady was waiting.
"Hi!" she says cheerfully.
"Hi, can I just get your cheapest room?" I ask.
"Of course, darling. Where have you come from?" She smiles at me.
"Hayden, Idaho," I told her.
Her smile turned to an expression of shock. "Do you know where you are?"
"Honestly, no. I have no clue," I tell her.
"Oh, honey, you're really close to Idaho Falls," she says.
YOU ARE READING
My Reason to Breathe
Romance"You know, our love isn't the kind you would write a book about, because not everyone would like the mountains we had to climb to see the good parts. But our love is my favorite story, and it doesn't have to be anyone else's. It's perfect to me, eve...
