Boy by the Plate

Put Me On Your List

Macy

People say mixing your friend and romantic interest is the recipe for ruining your life and I can vouch for that.  No, I’m not trying to say I have a boyfriend and my best friend doesn’t like  him, now this would be way easier.  What I’m trying to say is imagine a best friend and someone you love romantically is the same person, that’s what Zayn Parker is to me, too close  to  comfort.

If the feeling is mutual then it could either be the best or worst thing in your life as you’d either have a forever partner that you love and connect with on a variety of levels or you could lose both your friend that knows all of your deepest secrets, knows you better than anyone and your romantic partner that connects to you on both the perfect physical and emotional levels. 

Unfortunately, I don’t have to worry about either as around Zayn it feels like he’s dairy and I’m lactose intolerant.  I want him but can’t have him, no matter how much I desire him.  It’s the sad and pathetic truth and before you ask, no he doesn’t know I think of him more than just a friend, though I’ve given him many hints and basically his whole family knows about it.  But I’ll never be able to admit it or say it out loud that I’ve liked him as more than a friend all these years, so the fact is that he’s not interested in this, not interested in me like me, there’s no need to ruin a perfectly good friendship.

Ever since I lost my parents five years ago, his parents have been like their shadows in a sense, there for both me and my older brother, Al, but not overstepping their place, just looking out for us as our parents would’ve, but in a way that doesn’t replace them.  They paid for the mortgage of our house so Al would still have money to go to college and would even pick me up sometimes from school since he couldn’t most of the time and they didn’t want me to have to walk home in the rain or alone if Zayn was absent due to either being sick or playing baseball.

We were close before then, our families were inseparable as my mom and Zayn’s mom were like sisters, that was how close they were and my dad and Zayn’s dad became pretty close too through dinners they’d have together on their date nights and then we kids were brought together.

I’ve known Zayn since I was almost four years old .  We met one sunny day when my mom was taking out the garbage and I was practically holding onto her leg until I let go when I saw a cute boy around my age with short, jet black, gelled hair and fair skin from across the street having fun as he played in the sprinkler in the front yard with his older sister, Dixie with her honey ginger, ringlet-like hair, that hasn’t changed much.

I was a girl whom people may call a mama’s girl as I was so attached to my mom, especially when she was a teacher but became a home mom once she had my brother.  Though both jobs do have equal workloads, they do not have equal pay.  But she loved the free one more than the one she got paid for since she was always one that never wanted to miss even a second of our lives as she gave us life and wanted to be there for us every step of the way. 

I couldn’t help but never want to be away from her at a very young age, not even for a second, making school all the more difficult for me to start until something about that boy’s warm hazel eyes comforted me in a way my mom only could and once we officially met when his parents invited us over as they wanted us children to meet each other, it was an immediate bond.  I didn’t even shed one tear on the first day of kindergarten as I had Zayn there with me to look for me and guide me as he’s everything but shy and I can only dream to be like that.

My dad always made sure we had a good time and good memories whenever he was home, even if it was just him making funny voices during the bedtime stories he’d read us whenever he could or being goofy as he juggled fruit in the kitchen or getting our family tickets to the amusement park every year for a fun day even if he wasn’t able to come.  My dad was a neurosurgeon and a dang good one too, that’s what everyone would say at least and I can verify that when he helped me learn about the brain for a Science test on the human body in seventh grade.  But having a job like that with long hours meant his patients saw him more than his actual family, which was why I was closer with my mom, but he was helping people and definitely a good man, so I don’t blame him for that.  I just wish we had more time together, that’s all, yet no amount of time together would be the right amount of time as that’s just how it works with those you love.