Him

dissociation

Not everything feels real. Sometimes life is a dream, only in dreams things like this happen.

Only in dreams will the monsters come out from under your bed, especially in broad daylight.

Don't get me wrong, monster and all the creatures in between are real, or at least in my opinion they are.

Monsters were just too scared to come out, they knew what would happen if they did. Even though it's the 21st century, I still believe some people are insane enough to think they could go to war with a monster with nothing but a pitchfork.

But maybe the monsters do come out in the light, just not the classical monsters we were told to be afraid of as a kid. Some people act like monsters, maybe even worse.

My mother was a monster, in my eyes at least. Sweet little Matt looked up to her with joy and hope in his eyes, I on the other hand couldn't bare to be in the same room as her.

She's let Matt and I down so many times, Matt doesn't realize it yet but how could he, he's a child.

But at the end of the day, my mothers lies mad Matt happy, and that was all I cared about. For now at least.

Sometimes I felt like nothing was real, like I was just watching life as it went by past me. Through me. I was there sure, expirencing it, but was I really?

I have mental photos of things, along with materialistic ones. I remember moments but not always how they happened, sometimes my memories haven't even happened, but then I think about how they weren't real. How did I, a child at the time, make up such happy memories?

If I was a child when I remembered them first, if I felt like I had truly expirenced them, if they felt real to me, I gave in. I didn't care if they were real or not anymore, if they brought me even the slightest bit of joy then I was okay with having fake memories, they made me feel safe.