From May to December With Love

In December

                The snow began coming down heavily that December. It was the month I’d never forget. Emma and I had been so sporadic about talking, I lost track of how often we would. It had been a while since I was able to go see her, almost a month went by without making any contact besides texting and the occasional phone call. I was able to visit during Thanksgiving, but when I went over, she had also invited her friends to hangout. This made it a lot less personal, so I ended up sitting around pondering my thoughts waiting on her friends to leave. They never did.

                By mid-December, I was starting to feel anxious and slightly manic. I needed to see Emma, but with no flexibility with school, I was being forced to watch our relationship fail. I needed to fix this and that meant going to see her, but when? Christmas break was on the way. This was my chance. I called her one Sunday afternoon around the time her class let out. As expected, she didn’t answer, but around 7pm she texted me. I asked her about Christmas break and set it up so that she and I could see each other on Christmas Eve. I knew her parents were going up to visit Christmas Day, so this was better than not at all. I waited it out, the days grew shorter, but they felt so much longer than before. I slept, went to school, and then came home to sleep again. I didn’t do much those next few weeks, mainly because I was afraid of what my mind would make up after dark. After the dreadful nights, December 24th finally came.

                It was a surprisingly sunny day for being December, I felt like smiling, waking up to being well rested. I even got a text from Emma that morning. “Good morning! Merry almost-Christmas!” It was a group message that she sent to everyone, but it was the little things that I cherished that morning. We had even been expected for a snow storm later that day, but to the looks of it, the storm must have been subsided.

                I got dressed in a nice shirt and tie, with the usual black skinny jeans. Once again, I spiked up my hair in the “messy, but clean” look. I headed out the door and the cool rush of wind hit me and spiraled around as it contoured my body. I felt amazing, like everything in life was perfect, despite the last two months. Today was a good day. I picked up a bouquet of roses that I decided I wanted to give Emma as a little present. I texted her I was on my way, then drove the hour long trip listening to the music we both enjoyed and made my way back to Charlotte University. I parked my car in front of her dorm as usual, then anxiously got out.

 I was shaking ever so slightly from my nerves, but smiling nonetheless. I called her when I was there and she told me to come up to her dorm which was unusual since she usually came down to greet me. I shrugged it off and went in, myself, anyway. I went up the flight of stairs until I reached her door. I knocked twice and she opened it for me.

When I saw her though, I immediately knew. Her eyes were watering, she had tried to wipe it away, but as soon as she saw me she broke down again. I closed the door behind me and tried to go comfort her. She motioned me to keep distance, which I did, but watched as the events unfolded. I waited for her to regain her composure, then asked her. “Is this what I think it is?” Choking down tears that I didn’t know could exist. She stood up and came over to me. She grabbed my collar with both hands ever so gently and looked up into my eyes. Tears flooded hers and I had to look away from losing my own composure.

                “God, I’m so sorry, David.”

                “Emma, I felt like it was only a matter of time.”

                She starts crying again. “I never wanted it to be like this. I wanted this to work, I, I, I love you, David. “

                “I love you too, Emma. I love you more than anyone I have ever met in my life.” I barely get out without tearing up.

                My vision starts to go blurry, but I blink it away. She grabs my collar tighter and I kiss her hard. I engulf myself in my thoughts as my mind screams the pain, repeating it over and over. I pull away from her then look into her eyes. I can’t say another word, but I drop the roses onto the ground and walk out the door. Not another word said. I couldn’t say anything else. I could hardly breathe. I felt like my life was twisting and turning trying to bring me the most pain possible. My greatest day had turned to be my worst. I got in my car and wiped away the tears. I had to get the hell out of there, so I did. As I looked into the rearview mirror, the Charlotte University sign got further and further away. This was the last time I would ever leave that school. This was the last time I would see her again. This was the end of our relationship. As I drove, I listened to our music that we sung together which made it all worse. “Tunnels” came on once again, right in the middle of the drive. I reached down to try to change it, but as I reached down, I heard my engine make a strange sound. My car began to slow down and I had to pull off to the side of the road. “Fuck!” I scream at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I turn my car off, then sit on the side of the road as I cry my eyes out. I felt like all was lost. This was it, I felt like my life was over. I whisper through the tears that I cried, “I love you Emma, with all my heart.”

                                                                                The End.

“To lose someone is heartbreaking. It’s malicious, but if you are able to spend a part of your life with that person, give up a year of your life just to be around someone, that is true commitment. So, when it ends, don’t cry, don’t feel hurt, because you know deep down that you and that person both gave up a part of your lives just to live each other worlds. The hardest obstacle of true love is love, itself.” –Eli Baisden; Love at it’s Hardest Moments