Bittersweet

Ch. 10: Fights and Suicide

Brittany's POV

I'm going crazy now, and I can't think straight with this gun in my hand. I'm crying so hard and I can barely breathe. Is she gonna come back?

I hear nothing but a ringing in my head and honestly feel no pain. Short ride of a life right?

But no, you wouldn't understand, you're not me things are already as bad as they could've been but now they're worse?

Being diagnosed with a depression and anxiety order at age 9, well me now being 16 makes me sound pathetic.

But I am pathetic.

If I were to still be alive by tomorrow will everyone still be here for me?

I doubt anyone would ever go to my funeral. like there would even be a funeral.

Dalton broke up with me earlier too. I hate myself. I'm not worth it. my tears start streaming out as the blade goes deeper into my skin. I gasp as the blood now relentlessly falls out, and I feel the need to go deeper.

But somewhere else...

Perhaps, my thighs, my stomach,

My neck..

I can't handle myself anymore and I just want to die. I'm hurting inside and I'm breaking down inside, and I just need her, I need her in my life. I need to know that she doesn't hate me.

The fresh cuts on my wrists, and the faded scars of the ones on my thighs, haunt me almost ghost like.

Emily's POV

I woke up from my perfect nap with Oli, cuddled on the floor. My stomach ached, not from not eating or anything else, but becouse of guilt. Brittany was my best freind, and even though it hurt me really bad that she didn't come to visit me while I was in the hospital, she was still the same Brittany. The one I protected from crazy boyfriends and bullys, the one who helped me through hard times with my family, with boys, everything. I can't be mad at her just for this one thing.

Oliver wriggled around a bit, turning to where his back faced me. With his arm no longer draped across me, I got up quitely, and slid the screen door open. I clossed it back behind me before I slipped my phone out of my pocket to call Brittany.

Ring....

Ring....

Ring..RIng

Ring....

...Ring- You have reached the voicemail box of, -

I groned in fristration and hung up my phone. It isn't like Brittany to not awnser, even after a fight. I dailed her number agian, maybe she didn't hear the phone. I waited as the phone rang the six full rings agian, still nothing. This time I decided to leave a voicemail,

"Hey Bri-tony," I said soothingly with a nickname I gave her when we first met, "Please pick up, I'm sorry for yelling at you, I just..." my voice trailed off, "Just call me back, okay? I would really like to smoothe things over. I love you" I hung up the phone and exhailed deeply, she was really scaring me now.

I stayed outside for what seemed like forever, only it was just five minuetes. I was really worried now.

I felt like I needed to make this right, I need to fix the gap in my and Brittany's relationship. I love her, I always have, she's my best freind for fucks sake, and weather she likes it or not, we will be the way we were before all the bullshit and drama. I was determined to make that happen, I'm not going to give up on our freindship that easily.

I called her again, no awnser, so I called agian, still no awnser. I dailed her number again, my hands shaking, my breathes shallow, my throte tightend as tears threatend to spill from my eyes. I didn't let them...Until once again, I got no awnser.

I can't let her just slip through my fingers, her and Oliver is all I have.

Brittany's POV

Emily called twice, but she didnt need me anymore. she's got everyone standing beside her. And here I am.. With no one.. Nothing .

I just wish I could just die sometimes. leave this filthy ass world. its all I've ever wished for.