Super Skilled Me

(19)

          As usual, every day, all day, I'm driving in my scooter down the sidewalk. I've been craving some Taco Bell for the last week and a half. I'm now 329 pounds, continuing to gain weight like it's my job for a living. The word "willpower" is no longer in my vocabulary. I have to keep eating—it's the only thing that brings me joy anymore. After showing my face again at the university, hearing people make fun of me—the same people who used to cheer their hearts out for me on the basketball court—I'm going harder than ever with the excessive calories being poured into my body.

          I keep thinking about a burrito supreme as I make my way down the sidewalk in my scooter, of course, people looking at me strangely and giving weird looks. On my way to the restaurant, I take a shortcut through an old park I used to frequently visit with my parents as a child. Speaking of my parents, there's nothing more I can do to convince them I'm still playing basketball. My dad confronted me through yet another long text message, explaining that he's now aware I've been lying to both of them. The only thing they aren't aware of yet, is my excessive, revolting weight gain.

          As I drive through the park, there's a soccer pitch with a group of people playing, mostly guys in good shape with their shirts off, showing off their muscles like I used to have. They run up and down the field in the hot sun, laughing and competing with one another. A guy sends a chip pass to his buddy, as he makes a full sprint to the goal. He's fast, but not as fast as I used to be on the court. I quickly look away, the memories too much for me to handle.

          I continue through the park, passing by a group of kids playing in the water. I think about the days when I was young and innocent, reminding me how I never could have possibly envisioned my life coming to this. Times were so simple back then. No one to judge and poke fun at you, which I experience nearly on the daily now. I wish I could go back to a time where the world wasn't so judgemental, but sadly that's not the way things are, and I'm forced to accept my painful reality.

          I continue amongst the park, eventually coming to the basketball courts near the amusement carnival that's open for the summer. I can hear some young teenagers laughing and screaming on the rollercoaster, and it brings me great jealousy and envy. Regardless, as depressing as it is, I can't help but drive my scooter up the fence of the basketball court and watch. I slide my fingers through the metal fence, observing the young guys around my age, maybe a little younger, playing pickup games.

          There are four outdoor courts in total, the hoops metal chains instead of regular nets. There's lots of talk and communication going on in the games, similar to how our team was so successful in the past back at the university. Instantly, with only watching for a few minutes, one of the kids in particular really stands out to me. He's wearing a red headband, and has a fast quick-step, just like I used to. I watch as he gets into the paint easily—again, as I did—laying the ball in and drawing a foul.

          I keep observing through the fence, sitting in my scooter and causing me great sadness, but there's also a strange sense of comfort watching him play. His game reminds me so much of my own back in the day, as he hits two more open jump shots, even using the infamous bank shot at one point like I always did. He's definitely the strongest player in the park, as I always was, and there are no scrubs out here today, so he's obviously got talent. Hopefully, he takes advantage of it, unlike I did with my revolting eating habits.

          On the topic of eating, I feel my stomach gurgling like always, reminding me that my short trance of happiness watching this random kid play is over. Looking back once more, witnessing him make another great pass to his big man, it's time for me to move on and accept I'm not that person anymore. I reverse my scooter towards the Taco Bell across the street. As I've made clear, I've been craving it for a long-ass time now. I thought I'd take a break from excessive fast-food hamburgers and fries, and get some tacos.