Everything is not always fine

JJ stared down at her desk, something felt off. She looked around her office but everything was normal. Her coffee cup was in between her name plate and stapler, her computer was logged into the fbi internet, the case files were neatly stacked on the side of her desk as usual but something was wrong.

She sat still in her chair with the feeling that she was moving.as her stomach turned She could feel her bra strap making an indent on her shoulder, no tighter, no looser than normal. There was a breeze coming from the air conditioner slightly blowing her baby hairs. She could hear the voices of her coworkers outside her office.  Everything was fine but something was wrong.

She went to reach for the rubber band she would wear to snap against her wrist but she had gotten rid of that months ago to seem more put together. Sitting in front of her desk almost done for the day, what was she missing. She tapped her foot nervously. She just needed to think and she'd know what's wrong.

She was surprised she hadn't been fired already. She was a horrible member of the team adding nothing. As thoughts raced through jjs head tears started to fill her eyes. It was pathetic. She thought of one small thing she couldn't figure out and she starts to cry. This is why she was so bad at her job. First she couldn't notice one small thing off on her own desk, and then she cried about it. If she disappeared off the face of the earth everyone would be better off.

She starts to stand but stops realizing there is nowhere to go. A sob ripped from her throat and she buried her face into her hands. She was pathetic standing in the middle of her office crying about absolutely nothing.

She should call emily. She knew that. Emily would listen to her. She'd come back to the office to talk to her, but JJ didn't want to burden her. Emily had helped her for so much and for so many years. JJ couldn't call her again. She couldn't ask for more. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve emily.

Jj pulled open the top drawer of her desk with trembling hands. Her whole body was shaking and aching. She wanted to destroy her office and everything around her. But she was trapped by her body. Her skiing was like a cage holding everything in and only letting her gasp for air. Pulling out her bottle of xanax, jjs eyes landed on her gun. Moments later she hears someone knock on her office door. They open the door and jj sees hotch standing there. "Is everything alright?" he says with a concerned look on her face.

"Um, I'm fine," she says, quickly hiding the bottle behind her back. "Are you sure you look quite upset?". Jj grabs her things and tells him "I'm going to leave a bit early, is that fine". He immediately says yes and within moments she's headed to the elevators.