Unleashed

Chapter Fifteen: Confused

Mila

A soft knock caught my ears. I laid down the brush and hoped I wouldn't have paint smudges all over my face.

I opened the door, expecting Lir, but before me stood Felix, whom I hadn't seen for a few weeks. He was clothed in an emerald-green tunic and his shiny black hair didn't hang down on his shoulders as it usually did: it was bound at the back. He looked handsome.

"You're back," I said, quickly stepping outside and closing the door behind me.

I didn't want to invite him into my bedroom, didn't want it to be just the two of us. Not because I didn't trust him or anything like that, but because I felt too awkward to be with him at the place where I had acted so shamelessly.

"Yes, I returned last night," he replied.

He and I hadn't had the chance to speak about Darius's offer of my hand in marriage. My uncle had told me Felix wanted to talk first before accepting the offer and honestly, I wondered why. It was he who had been chasing me since forever.

"Care to join me for a walk?" he asked.

"Uh-yes, of course."

I locked my room, and we headed out. He didn't start talking until we finished walking through the long hallway lined with pillars and stepped into the garden. "I presume Darius has told you?" he then asked.

"Yes, he did."

"How did that make you feel?"

Oh gosh, here it goes. I swallowed. "Felix," I started, not looking at him but keeping my eyes on the colorful garden. "You know how I feel about you."

"I do."

Of course, he knew. I had told him about my lack of feelings for him at least five times already.

"Don't you think you deserve someone that loves you back?" I asked, daring to peek at him now.

He looked straight ahead as well. "There..." he started, but the word trailed off. "I think if we talk, you might change your mind about being with me." He turned around and looked at me with pleading eyes. We held our steps.

"Talk about what? Change my mind because of what?"

"I can't tell you that myself, it's not my place. We must speak with Darius."

"I don't get it," I said. He made no sense to me.

"You will, when we'll talk to your uncle. He knows I'm back, so he'll summon us when it's time, but—" He grabbed my hands in his, right when a breeze sighed through my hair, sweeping a few long locks into my face. It was a pleasant coincidence, because now I could pull my hands out of his to brush my hair out of my face without making things more awkward than they already were. "We can have a good life together, Mila. I love you."

"Felix—"

"I know you don't feel the same, but—" He searched for words, something that I had never seen him do before. What was going on? "You'll understand it soon. You'll understand that marrying me is the right thing to do. And because I love you, I want you to decide, but I want you to decide after our talk. It's important that you know."

Know what? Why was he so vague?

"Okay, okay. I'll decide then," I replied, knowing other questions were of no use anyway.

***

That afternoon, I had the day to myself. Everyone was busy, even Lir, who went to the nearby city of Gabriello with his aunt and cousin. He'd asked me to join them, but I really didn't like that woman, so I declined.

I'd tried to paint a little more, but it was a hot day, so instead, I decided to spend the rest of the day outside in the shade. On the terrace, I lay down on the leopard rug that decorated one of the marble white benches. One of the Lycans had killed said leopard in a fight last year and my uncle had it stripped of its skin, saying it would look good as decoration.

As I lay there, looking at the bees buzzing from lavender to lavender, I recalled everybody's advice. Rebecca and Lir both said I should just marry Felix. That arranged marriages were more common than marriages out of love. Rebecca said I was a spoiled brat. Her father had offered her hand in marriage to a man who was in his sixties while she was only fifteen. So yeah, compared to her husband (bless his soul), Felix was a bronzed God. Maybe I should just marry him and forget the fact that I dream about Connor every single night.

But I couldn't forget there is something there between the Lycan and myself. Connor must feel it, too. Otherwise, why would he stand there before his window every evening? It must be for me. Or maybe he is doing it with other intentions. Maybe he just wants to kill me.

I'd tried to stop our little rendezvouses, but I couldn't. It was as if I was pulled to him like a magnet.

I sighed, rolling on my back. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. Tomorrow there shall be a full moon again and after that, a new month shall start. Summer would be over, and I was to travel home again and not see the Lycan again until next summer. If I would marry Felix, I would never see him again: only in fights.

That thought hurt my heart.

"Gods, help me. What is wrong with me? What must I do?" I whispered to the sky. Maybe the Gods could help me decide. "Give me a sign. Please."

No sign came. Truthfully, I didn't even know what I was expecting.

I lay at that spot for a few hours in a state of dozing off, waking up, and dozing off again, until Darius found me.

"Mila! What are you doing here all day long, my girl?" He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up to a sitting position. "Dinner is waiting for you. We waited for you. You scared me for a moment there." He laid his hand on my forehead. "You're not warm. Thank God," he whispered.

"I'm not sick. I was just lazy today. I'm sorry for worrying you."

I stretched my body and stood up. Sleeping all day was a mistake because there was no way I would fall asleep tonight.

"There is stew and bread today," he said, hooking my arm into his.

My stomach rumbled. "My favorite."

As we walked back to the main villa, I asked Darius when he, Felix, and I could talk.

"Later, I'm afraid," my uncle answered. "They unexpectedly summoned Felix again today. The talk must wait for another week."

"Felix made it sound like it was something important."

"It's—it is something you must know." He exhaled through his nose as if this something was an enormous burden. "But it can wait a few days. Don't worry for now. Let's get some stew into that stomach of yours."

***

As predicted, I couldn't sleep tonight. The fact that I'd seen some slaves enter the ludus for the third evening in a row didn't help either. I knew they visited the Lycans to keep their beds warm. I'm sure Connor greedily took advantage of that, and I wondered how many slaves he had ravaged already.

Was this jealousy I felt?

After what felt like hours of twisting and turning, I just couldn't stay in bed, feeling so restless, so I got out of bed. Maybe a visit to the bathhouse would relax me. I felt sweaty and dirty and I could also use a rinse to clear my mind. Because right now, a feeling that something was about to happen took hold of me. I hoped that this wasn't a sign from the Gods, because I didn't know if it was a good sign or not.