What if? (Phan)

IV

His face fell as he took in what the doctor had said. "N-never?"

The doctor sighed. "I'm so sorry, Daniel."

Dan closed his eyes and turned away from me. The doctor got up and left the room, patting me on the shoulder. I let go of his hand and pulled a chair over. "Dan?"

He didn't reply.

"Dan, don't shut me out. I love you and this isn't going to change anything. Ok?"

He shrugged, still facing away from me.

"Dan," I whimpered, my voice cracking and tears pouring down my face. "Dan, it's going to be alri-"

"Don't say it," he muttered. "Don't you dare tell me it's 'going to be ok,' because it's not. I jumped out of that window because I wanted to die, Phil. And I didn't die, but now I'm gonna be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. You think that's 'alright'?" His voice had escalated to a shout now, that grated against my heart. "Its not alright, Phil, and it's never going to be." He turned away again and sniffed. I sat in silence, not wanting to upset him further. Eventually he turned back. "Phil?" he whispered, reaching his hand out towards me. I took it. "Yes, love?"

"Don't leave me. I don't know what to do; I'm scared, Phil." He looked so vulnerable and it broke my heart. It seemed that his bubbly, fiery spirit had been crushed and I couldn't bear to see him like this. "Dan," I cooed, kissing his hand, "I wouldn't leave you. Ever. I know you're scared; this is a huge change for you, but I'm not going to stop supporting you until my dying day. Because you mean everything to me and it kills me to see you feeling like this. I can't live without you and I'm going to do whatever I can to help you."

"Phil - I'm sorry. I was ready to go, I - I made a stupid mistake and it cost me my legs - I don't deserve you; I'm such a worthless idiot." I moved my chair closer and ruffled his hair. "Never call yourself worthless. If anyone made a stupid mistake, it's me. I should have seen the warning signs. You can't help the way you feel; you can't just get over depression. I should have been there to stop you. It's my fault you're here."

"No, it's not," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Phil."

"I'm sorry too."

He looked at me, tears welling up in his eyes. "There's a note back at the flat. I left it for you, when I thought I was leaving. Go and get it?"