A Collection of My Thoughts.

Grief.

— 00:23 a.m. July 13th, 2021.

The first time she had a brush past death, or rather, grief, was when she was at the ripe age of 20.

A feeling so unfamiliar, yet so shatteringly real. And though the loss was of her former best friend's father, she mourned as if it was of her own family. Because, despite all that has happened with their friendship, all the ups and the lows, and all the time that they spent growing distant, one fact stands strong; back then, he too was considered family to her, albeit a non blood-related one.

Grief, in fact, wasn't like anything she thought. She always thought that it'd immediately start with a sharp pain, one that instantly made the tears roll out. But rather, it starts with silence. A silence that's filled with shock and disbelief— disbelief that the very person you were hoping would survive, is no longer there. Disbelief that you wouldn't have tomorrow with them. You wouldn't see their smiles, hear their laughter, and do small things as simple as having breakfast with them. All of it, gone in a second. The numbing pain then starts, but it's not until you remember the days before that grief finally does happen.

How you realize that, there won't be more mornings going to the office together, no more family movie nights, no more of their corny jokes or fatherly hugs that calms your mind. And it's not only the happy moments, it's the sad ones as well. There would be no more little fights, ones that are resolved with a little talk, or ones that sometimes you make right with a long hug. There would be no more days like the ones before; the ones that you thought would still continue for a very long time. At least, if not forever, it was not now. And that's what breaks you, and it happens in an instant. A wave of crashing pain collides into you, catching you breathless and knocking you out of your feet. That was grief, at least for her.

She realized it then, more than before, that life had a unique way of working. Everything has a balance to it. As like how a person's life can be turned around for the better within a month or even a week, somebody else's can also be destroyed within the same time frame.

It was only two weeks ago that they went on a family trip, one that they thought would be the start of many others in the future. And yet, in just a mere time of two weeks, everything tumbles down and they're left with just the memory of their loving father— a father that was their foundation, the rock of the family; one that they looked upon during hard times, messy days and sad nights. Now he's forever gone, leaving behind just what's left of his possessions.

So, cherish your loved ones while they're still here. Because one fact stands strong; tomorrow is not always promised.