With You, I'm Alive (BoyxBoy)

New beginnings.

I was standing in front of my mirror looking to the ground where my shirt was. I slowly looked up at myself.

What. the. fuck. is .that?

I thought to myself.

Tears burned my eyes as I unhooked my bra and started wrapping my chest with ace wrap. It was exactly 16 times that it circled my body. After I was done, I studied the bruising around my chest/armpit area.

Binders hurt likea bitch.

Binders were like a toxic best friend to me. they provided me with what i wanted to see myself but every time i lift my shirt there were bruises all over my upper body. I wouldn't cry because it hurt. i would cry because i would look at myself and feel a tiny glimpse of happiness, a happiness that lasts for a millisecond. Once my shirt would come off it was the end of it. But for now that happiness is the best thing i have.

"Alex, we're leaving and mom said hurry up" my little brother max says while banging on the door.

"I'm coming" i say while throwing on my shirt and sweater.

i hurried out the door and into the car. my foster mother look at me.

"what?' i say looking towards her.

"what do you do in the bathroom?"

"what most people do..." i say while scratching my wrists.

she pulled my sleeves down out of surprise. she was checking for cuts that were obviously not there.

"what the hell?!"

"oh..."

"that's all you have to say is 'oh', god dammit!'  was a little upset that she did it without my consent, and how surprised she was to see that i was clean. i haven't cut in 3 months does she think i'm not strong enough? i'm planning to stay away from blades.

"I'm sorry i should have asked..." she said as were pulling up to the front of my school.

i rushed out of the car with anger spreading through my body like hate was the only thing running through my veins and y'know... maybe it was.

it was still ten till the bell rang but i waited outside my first period like i did everyday.

***

it was lunch time and i sat by myself and i didn't really have a crew or even a friend, I'm known as everything I'm not here at this school. it was the same at the previous ones.

some random dude sat next to me, I'm not the best with interacting with people but he just sat there and kinda looked at me.

"I'm sorry but you're making me kinda uncomfortable, do you need anything?" i say making my voice kind of audible.

"oh shit, sorry. I'm James and I'm new here" he said holding his hand out for me to shake.

"i dont do the whole physical contact with other human beings but I'm Alex"

"oh" he says dropping is hand. "nice to meet you"

there was an awkward silence then our ears caught the sound of some prick saying                                "look the dyke actually has a new boyfriend!" followed by laughter.

"Hey look the bone head actually thinks he knows what he's talking about, that's cute." he repied lout enough for him to hear.

i chuckled kind of loud but tried to cover it.

The "bone head" his crew made their way over to our table                                                                            "what did you say pretty boy?" he said with a glum expression.

James stood "i said that was a great blow job and we should get together again tonight."he winked.

seeing how tall and muscular James was, the "bone head" and his followers backed off.

"whatever queer face" and he walked away.

James sat down and smiled as he watched me try to contain my laughter. It wasn't working.

"Yay, i made you laugh" he said.

"yeah." i said with a small grin.

"i cant believe he thought calling me 'pretty boy' was gonna offend me, like seriously i'll be the prettiest boy you'll ever meet." he said with a tone of sass.

My goodness, this boy was killing me. I think i turned a bit red from laughing so hard.

"im dead serious." he said with a smirk on his face.

" yeah, that grin screams serious" i said with laughter.

"i admit, i have to work on that." he says with a smile.

our laughing died out but he didn't let our conversing do the same. That's what i immediately liked about him.  He didn't leave time for me to be all awkward...

"Are you even....... y'know?"

"gay? it's alright, you can say it." he said with laughter.

"Yeah" i say blushing.

"To be honest, i don't even really know." he said laughing.

"what's that supposed to mean?" i said with a giggle.

"i think I'm bi, women are okay but men are okay-er. Do you see where I'm coming from?" he says with a grin.

"yeah." i say with a small smile.

James was an attractive person so i doubt he hasn't had any experience with women. Pfft, i even doubt he hasn't had any with men as well.

Our conversation was interrupted by the school bell.

"that was the bell..." i say while standing up from the table.

As i was walking away, James stopped me by placing his hand on my shoulder.

He touched me.

I literally jumped.

"Oh shit, i'm sorry. i forgot." he said sincerely. 

"uhh... it's okay.." i said blushing with embarrassment.

"I just wanted to ask if i can walk you to your class."

"what?.."

" Well isn't that what friends do for eachother?" he said with a smile.

"yeah, i guess..." i said with a smile, easing the situation.