the truth is that when i lost you i lost faith in the world. i always tried my best to see the good in everything and everyone but when you left, i just couldn't do it anymore. still, there are a few things i hope for.
i hope that i learn how to sleep again. i hope that my mother will stop calling. i hope that you come around again one day just so that i can tell you that i got frostbite on my hands when i broke down in the snow remembering how you loved winter but i lived for spring. i stayed crouched in the snow for an hour bawling and three people stopped to ask if i was okay and i had to lie. the first thing that came to my mind was an engagement ring, an engagement ring, for goodness' sake, so that's what i told them. i told them i'd lost my engagement ring in the snow and then had to assure them that i didn't need their help looking for it and as comforting as it was that strangers cared i was so annoyed and i stayed annoyed until julie came and pulled me up and took me to her shop without even asking what was wrong because she knew. she knew that it was you.
and she shoved a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin at me even though she knows i hate coffee. and she said "drain the mug and shove the food down your throat," and nothing else for the longest twenty minutes of my life. i cringed as i drank the coffee but i somehow drank it all, and i picked at the muffin until it was halfway gone and that's when she started talking again.
and you know what? i think she finally slapped some sense into me. not literally, of course. she would never do that. but i think i'm finally on the path to "okay."
it's just so very long as is this winter and i don't know if i can make it until the buttercups bloom again.
YOU ARE READING
the shepherd's sword
Random[the things we dare not say aloud] the walls have faces, you know. the angels do not.
