I felt like nothing. Like I was nobody. Like I wasn't myself.. and I wasn't. I woke up. I walk downstairs into the kitchen and grab a heavy, sharp knife. I hold the cold knife in my hands. I slowly push it against my skin and go back and forth. I could feel my arm burning then it started to bleed. Then, I drop it on the floor, blood dripping from the handle. I walk to the bathroom and fill the tub with boiling hot water. I get into the bathtub. I tilt my head back and sink it underwater for a few minutes. I force myself to stay there, but again, I stop and get up. Next, I walk upstairs to my room. I open my window and look down. I step on the window seal and turn backwards. I let myself go and fall. I thought I was done for sure, but I wasn't. So I go back to the kitchen and pick up the bloody knife. I raise it high in the air, close my eyes, and stick it right through my heart. I fall to my knees, gasping. I fall onto the floor. The knife falls out of my hand, blood scattered everywhere.
I'm going to kill myself.
But no one ever believed me.
