!MADE UP CHARACTER!
Also, I hope I use cleithrophobia correctly, so correct me if I'm wrong :)
Also, shorter chapter, inspiration was running low for this one lol
TW: cleithrophobia, constant compulsory travelling, general doubt + depression
I'm on the side of the road, in my khaki coat. My boots covered in mud, my backpack soaked from the pouring rain. I'm travelling across North America, trying to find where I belong.
My crappy, rented car shut down on the side of the highway a kilometer or two back, so I'm walking to a small town in Ontario called Sudbury. I don't really want to go there, but alas, it's where I'm ending up.
Who knows, maybe I'll like it there. I'm not planning on settling down though.
I've never been able to put a name on it, but I almost have a phobia of living in one place. The closest thing to it would be cleithrophobia. It's the fear of being confined in a small spaces, if there aren't any ways out.
When I stay in a town, city or really anywhere for too long, I feel stuck. The roads to leave the town aren't really exits, they're ways to get in. When I'm on the road, I'm relieved. Away from people, away from problems.
My phone constantly fills up with notifications from family and friends, asking when I'll visit. I don't know if I want to. If I get attached to them, I'll want to stay, and I'll be stuck there.
Sure, there'll be laughs in between us, but can that compare to freedom? I'm not sure. It's been a while.
I graduated just over a year ago, and have been traveling since. I make money by staying in random hostels for a few days and giving my services whether it be room service, or simply welcoming others in.
After those days, I travel until I need money. I always leave random ascetic belongings by accident, or on purpose to leave my mark.
I grew up in Vienna, and ended up here in need of change from Austria.
I did not want to put down my roots where I was born, I felt like I needed change back then and that urge just grew from there. Now I can't even stay in one place without feeling trapped.
In my mind settling down=growing up. I don't want to grow old. I want to stay young and have some freedom.
But frankly, I smile whenever I get somewhere new. It's somewhere else to explore. Somewhere else I would live, If it didn't mean getting old.
I keep remembering my old times with friends, never letting the memories of them burn out.
And to keep that fire in my mind of them lit, they've finally decided to join me for a month. If I can just git out of Sudbury and to Ottawa, I'll see them. I miss them.
The laughs will return, and I'll have others with me.
Our small group of four, traveling through North America, making memories, being together.
Maybe they'll finally convince me living near others is worth it. Maybe, I'll be saved.
