We finished packing for the radio station, and I am tasked with waking up our beautiful daughter. I go into my bedroom to see her asleep where we left her. I smile, not wanting to wake her but know she has to be. I notice her outfit on the end of the bed. I go up to her, sitting behind her, my hand rubbing up and down her back. "Ashlynn, baby. Time to wake up," I whisper, and I see her eyes open. She turns her body towards me, smiling at me.
"Good morning," I say, happy to see her awake and mobile once more. "Daddy!" She says, happily but tiredly at the same time. I smile and unhook her before picking her up in my arms.
She wraps her arms around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder. We go to her room, and I pick out a cute outfit. It's a blue ruffle long sleeve shirt with white jeans, white sandals, and a matching blue bow in her hair to top it off.
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Once she's dressed, I take her downstairs and quickly hook her up to her backpack before we all load into the car. When we arrive at the radio station, we go straight into the booth.
"Hello, how are you?" Nick Grimshaw asks us, shaking Louis and I's hands as Ashlynn stays behind us. "We're good, ready for the interview," Louis tells him. "Well, let's start."
We all sit down, microphones in front of us. "Hello, everyone, and as you've heard, I have Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles here with me, and they're lovely daughter, Ashlynn," he announces into his microphone. "Hello, everyone," Louis says, a smile on his face. "Hello," I say.
I look at Ashlynn and see her on her iPad. "Baby, can you say hi?" Louis asks, and I see her nod, not looking at anyone, and leans forward. "Hi," her timid voice says. We had prepared her for this for like two weeks. "So Louis, Harry, so I have to ask, why did you keep your relationship a secret?" Nick asks, right away. "Well, our One Direction management didn't like the image of two of us being gay or being together. They never approved of it, even though we actually were together before One Direction," Louis says. "Yeah, I came out as Bi in high school," I say.
"Well, can I just say you two are so cute together. Now, can you tell us how you felt Harry, when Ashlynn was born, and you couldn't be known as Ashlynn's dad?" Nick asks, looking at me.
"Yea, of course. Well, I felt like my rights were taken away. I couldn't be known as Ashlynn's papa, and everyone thought that Eleanor was her mother. I was so upset, and I would sometimes just try to keep us at home, just so I could be with Ashlynn for as long as I could. I would insist that she would sleep with us instead in the nursery because I couldn't bear the thought of Eleanor being near my baby girl," I tell him, honestly, and he nods.
"I'm so sorry, Harry. So can you tell me, when you were 'separated', are your albums connected? Did you write songs as responses to each other?" He asks. "Yes, it was Harry's idea. We wanted a way to express ourselves and our pain of not being together and we had to do it inconspicuously so writing the songs were an amazing outlet," Louis says. "That's great. With circumstances like that you need an outlet." "Yes, I totally agree," I say, smiling at Louis. "Now, how did you feel Louis, when Harry left? What were your struggles like?" Nick asks, looking at my husband, who takes a deep breath. "I was angry. When he left, I had yelled at him, telling him I hate him. It was so hard, I hadn't known it was happening until that day. After he left, I went upstairs, Ashlynn was in my arms crying and laid on the bed, trying to stay calm and calm down Ashlynn. She was inconsolable, nothing made her happy. It was like in that tiny head, she knew that her papa wasn't here anymore. She stayed like that for about a week, she would wake up and just cry. I would sing to her, rock her, I tried anything and everything but nothing worked.
Then as I was cleaning her nursery, I found a DVD, Harry had left on her changing table and it said, 'For my babygirl'. When she woke up, crying again, I took her and that DVD downstairs, popped it in and I saw Harry. He had a guitar and started singing, and that's when Ashlynn finally calmed down, and just sat in my lap, watching her papa sing to her," Louis says. "What was bringing Ashlynn up by yourself like? Especially with her having special needs."
"It was exhausting, but also happy. She grew up, knowing Harry was her papa, but was upset a lot because she could only see him through the phone on FaceTime. She didn't understand why she had to call Eleanor mom in public when she had two dads that love her. The nice thing was I had my mum, and Liam and Niall. They tried to visit as much as they could or we would go to one of their concerts.
Those were the days she was the happiest. The days she really missed Harry, those were her inconsolable days. She would just lay on the couch, watching the DVD over and over again. And there were many days when she had to go to hospital because of a broken arm or leg. But I survived, I don't know how but I did," Louis says and I reach over and intertwine our hands.
"Now, I want to get to know Ashlynn here and I think all of our listeners do too," Nick says to which Louis and I nod. "So Miss Ashlynn, what is your favorite color?" I watch as she leans forward, bringing her face closer to the microphone. "Pink, and daddy's is green and papa's is blue," she says, making me and Louis smile.
"Do you like daddy or papa more?" "Both!" she says, happily.
Hours later,
We finally get in bed, Ashlynn sleeping her room. Louis cuddles me to his chest and I smile.
"We've done good, haven't we?" I ask, looking at him slightly.
"Yes, we have," he assures me, kissing the side of my head.
