Shady

Chapter 2 - Juan Valentine

I slurp the last drops of blood from the medical pouch and grin, virgin blood is always the best. I wander down the basement passage and into Alucard's room, avoiding  Seras'. Me and her haven't got on well due to the fact she keeps trying to get me to stop playing pranks on Alucard. I walk in and Alucard has just this second finished his blood pouch. I start to laugh hysterically and alucard gives me a wtf look for a few seconds. Then the bottle of holy water I mixed in with the blood kicks in and he frantically scrapes his tongue, which is smoking. He dunks his head in the bucket of water in his room.

I filled that with holy water too.

He has now resorted to the stop, drop and roll technique and eventually the holy water wears off. I got the whole thing on video. I threw another, untampered blood pouch on the floor and run up the stairs to integra to show her the video.

"So... Important people are coming for a meeting and I'm not to leave the basement unless there's a emergency?" I grin, knowing I'll get to meet the most swaggy vampire in history. Juan Valentine. Once integra had stopped laughing at the video she nods curtly and signals for me to leave. I immediately start to set up cameras all around the headquarters. I do not want to miss this!

Just as planned later on in the night, the stupid butler Walter informs us of the attack. Obviously I haven't said anything about Walters betrayal yet but I have hurt him in every discreet way possible by "accident". Which is why he has a black eye and a dislocated toe. "Seras and I will get to integra and Shady will-. Shady? Shady!" It was too late, I had already gone through the walls to see Juan.

I hope he hasn't sung the song yet.

A/N there will be some quotes from the hellsing abridged series here!

I arrive behind Juan's ghoul army and at the front I see Juan who is at the point in the abridged series where he sings the song. I join him at the front and start to sing.

I don't give a shit,
I don't give a fuck,
I don't give a shit,
I don't give a fuck,
But if I give a shit,
I might just give a fuck,
But I don't give shit,
So I don't give a fuck!

"Goddammit! Why do hellsing get all the good bitches!" Juan pulls put his gun. "Who said I'm hellsing? Hail Hitler and all that shit." I do a triple backflip away from juan and he lowers his gun. "Great! I really didn't want to beat the shit out of you." As juan finishes his sentence Walter comes down the hallway and kills the ghoul next to juan. "Miss Shady?" He squints his eyes. "I'm pretty sure I've got this covered Walter!" I shout and, in a couple of seconds, all the ghouls are dead. I growl at Walter who actually runs away! Lol! "Shit!" Juan shouts and I flip him onto the floor and pin him down. "Sorry Juan, but I work with the one vampire that's got more swag than you... The crimson fucker. Now, usually I would give you some Viagra and make you go fuck yourself but I'm under strict orders from integra to kill you." Juan laughs at me and is engulfed in blue flames. "So as I'm about to die, I've got a message for you mother fuckers. (Puts up middle finger) beware... Melenium." Long story short he dies. I dial the number for integras office. "Target neutralized. Looks like we've got a case of artificial vampire Nazis! Great! More blood for me!"

I hang up and do somersaults towards the basement, singing War, what is it good for? And laughing like a maniac.