Iris Ivy

Loneliness

Loneliness is truly the worst feeling in the world. And it's one that this year I've felt a lot. And surprisingly not really because of lockdown.  

I walk in from break, chatting and laughing with the crowd of people by the lockers. They all head into the classroom while I hang back, sorting my stuff.

I head into the classroom and pretty much everyone have chosen their tables. I spot my three friends and see there's a fourth chair still free.  I love when we get to sit together and normally it's us four- Iris, Joe, Josh and Nathan. I'm halfway across the room and to our table when I realise I'm still wearing my hat. 

Laughing, I head back to  the lockers and put it back in. I then walk back into the room.

Nathan, my best friend looks super awkward. And that's because there is no longer a spare fourth seat. Now the table is Dan, joe, josh and Nathan. And it hits me like a ton of bricks. And that hurt comes from deep down and is swelling. I can't even feel my legs as I head to the only table left. The one without my friends. And what hurts the most is that they don't really seem that bothered. Nathan looks awkward but there's no whispered apology from them. There's no sympathetic looks. And it feels like there's no room left for Iris. There's no room left for me.

I never really understood the phrase a lump in your throat. But that day I did.