Fear & Hate

Chapter 5: ...

August 29, 2018  2:15 PM

A crow soars above me as I'm laying down the street. Everything around me is crumbling down into pieces, or on fire. Trash is just scattered around the streets. You could barely hear sirens coming towards you.

"... hurts..... It hurts..... Everything... hurts...."

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June 31, 2012  12:01 PM

.............

"The rain is cold...."    

I stand there above the graves of both Bara's and Will's. Everybody is leaving the area. My dad is waiting in the car for me, ready to take me to my mom's place. My friends have their heads looking down as their leaving. Everybody is silent. The only thing you can hear is soft or quiet crying. Or the rain.

I could feel the rain just hit me and getting me soaked. That's the only thing I could feel at this moment. The only thing I feel like doing is nothing. I see the scar I made on my right palm by self harm. Honestly what is all of this for? I can't feel anything anymore. I just feel like dying. I couldn't even save one of them. And now I have the audacity to stand over their graves?

"See you guys soon."

I leave their graves with my head down looking at the grass as I'm passing by all the other graves of people who've died be being murdered by something or some one. 

"..."

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July 2, 2012 5:00 PM

I'm sitting in my room face down, crawled up in a ball. Even more cuts are on my right arm. I could tell my mom was watching me from the door, I was a bit surprised that she was worried. I'm not sure if she was worried about me though. Her boyfriend then walks through the door.

"Hey kid get the hell up AND CLEAN YOUR SHIT" He has a face of stupidity while speaking to me.

I tell him in a monotone voice while looking at him with no a face of not giving a damn.

"....Shut up...." 

"HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE BRAT?" 

He then throws me to a wall near the door frame. 

"I said SHUT UP because I don't LIKE your tone of VOICE AROUND ME"

He then throws me across the room almost throwing me through a window. He then starts to kick me twice in my stomach. He then sees the cuts on my arm.

"Tch, whatever. Kill yourself if you want, I could give less of a shit! C'mon babe, let's have sex in the pool again!"

"Coming!" 

My mom then leaves to go have sex with her idiot boyfriend. 

I stay on the floor, not feeling like getting up. In about 5 minutes I get up and close my door and lock it. I go back on my bed to lay down. 

"Nothing is working, I'm already making dumb decisions with cutting myself and hurting myself. I DOESN'T FUCKING WORK DAMN IT"

I then punch a hole in the wall. My knuckles are bleeding from the damage I made. 

"I don't want to become this person damn it...." 

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July 5, 2012 1:01 PM

"HEY, GO GET SOME STUFF YOU DUMB KID. REMEMBER TO USE THIS FAKE ID, NOW GO!"

"Tch, whatever."

I leave to go to the convenience store to buy some food and some alcholhol for my mom's boyfriend. 

I enter the store while walking to the freezer area. I then grab the beer bottle while another person is grabbing it at the same time. It was a girl who live down the street from me.

"H-hi - I mean... Sorry!"

"No no... it's ok. Hi, I'm Kiesto."

"I'm Monita."

We both smile at each other feeling like we're somehow connected.