Reader x pick me girl.

Chapter one: how we met UwU

I was making my way down the hallway when I noticed Emily. The most beautiful girl in school. I wish I could date her, but she was in love with the jock named Jake. I was just her little minion. I just did her homework when she didn't feel like do it. I mean sure, I had Suzzy come up to me every once in a while to try to hit on me. Suzzy was your average Wattpad girl that nobody wrote about. The worst part about her was that she was just too good. I wanted Emily. Emily always slept around with Da Boyz 🥵🥵🥶🥶🥶🥵🥵🥶🥶🥵🥵🥶🥶🥵🥵. She was 2'9 and I was 100002098893537593759387'1. all the other boys were about 17382648762875648354763726492653765708325342750'10. I wish I were like them. Emily has turned down a lot of guys but she was always up for the di-. I'm not gonna say that.

Today was the day I asked out Emily. I was nervous of course, but I didn't show it. I was actually very good at hiding it. I only pissed my pants one time, I shit myself like 2 times, and my shirt was damp because I was sweating like a fucking marathon runner. I went up to Emily.

Emily: Hey nerd lol UwU OwO I am so quirky hehe hehe.

Y/N:H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H--H-H--H-H-H-H--H-H-H--H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H--H-H-H--H-H-Hi Emily.

Emily was sooooooo hot. she had long blonde hair that was longer than fucking Rapunzels hair. her eyes were blue-is brown-ish black-ish purple-ish pink-ish hairy Mcdonalds mcflurry scary lady punched a berry color. She had a body like Niki Minaj but everything was bigger. She loved singing the fight song. I would hear her every day in the music room like a dying bird. my eardrums burst every time. the doctors were worried about me but once I told them it was Emily singing they understood. Emily was a fire-breathing gorilla eating macho maniac Danny Devito no home disowned taken by the thrown flip phone tiger rawr xd lazy bitch hoe fucking whore deprwessed uWu hybrid.

she would get beaten up by every girl that came her way. None of the girls liked Emily. Any girl that hurt Emily would simply "disappear" each day thanks to me. I simply fart in their faces and throw them in a pit of fire while they burn I slurp their ashes like a pasta dish. I loved seeing them all burn I bet none of their ashes would taste as good as Emily's. Back to the part where I was asking Emily out. I did the shitty pants dance and slid my leftover shit around her. I did the Stanky leg and squawked like a fucking bird showing her how much I loved her. she immediately fell in love with me and did the Stanky leg with me.

We went into the bathroom and did dirty while chirping like birds. I shit on the bathroom floor and she shit on the mirrors. She told me she was preggo my ego and she was going to have my kid. I quickly told her to abort that piece of shit and she did. I went and got the milk for a few years then when I came back I had proposed to Emily doing the same shitty ritual. She said yes and now we are married.