[[忘羡 | WangXian 2]] : The Green-eyed Мonster

[9.] True love.

NOTE:

I am using the term "Shìzūn"  as:  Master, the one who has power over you, and can teach you so that you can become better.

Source:   https://chinese.yabla.com/chinese-english-pinyin-dictionary.php?define=Shizun 

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- Please, listen...  -  he begged again.  –  Let me... try to explain...

Wei Ying was surprised to hear utter despair in his voice. Folding his arms in from of his chest, he just glared.

- I saw you. I saw the two of you... how happy you were when you were with her... How well you got along, how easy it was for you to talk to her... how excited you were... And Wei Ying... it hurt... - he looked at him with sad eyes. 

– I know that you... ughhh... you... prefer girls  too... sometimes...  -  he blushed again. – And she is... well, she was pretty... and young... fresh. She can offer you things that I cannot... I know this. And I know that I cannot compete with youth and beauty any more  –  I ... my life has put an imprint on both my body and my mind... And she is everything I'm not...  -  he finally said sadly.

Lan Zhan's eyes were tearing up. 

Wei Ying felt his heart sink.

- I know it is not easy to be with me... Being married to me is probably boring for you... I understand this...  -  he was brushing tears away now, trying to keep his words steady. –  I just want you to be happy. And that night... I don't remember too much, as I drank more than I could possibly afford... I needed to feel in control... I needed to feel that you are mine... only mine... fully... only mine...

Lan Zhan buried his face in the pillow. He could say nothing more, it was already too much. He half expected Wei Wuxian to get out of the room  –  and never return again. 

But instead he felt two warm palms on his shoulders. 

And then:

- My love, why are you still a silly boy of 17 again? Why?  –  he was whispering. – Haven't I chosen you over everybody, over everything, against all odds? Haven't I married you, risking our lives, our reputations, risking banishment? How many years have we been together, Lan Zhan?  Do you think I would be here now, if I ever wanted to be with someone else?

Lan Zhan lifted his eyes, all was blurry, but it didn't matter. Wei Ying was kissing his face, kissing the tears away.

- A girl?  –  Wei Wuxian continued. – How can I be interested in girls, in children, when I have you? You! You are more beautiful than all the girls in the land, Lan Zhan... My love...

Lan Wangji shook his head, he could not believe those words.

- In my eyes, in my heart, you are the most brilliant one, the brightest, the warmest... You are mine. Mine.  And this is all that matters... I can only be with you, Lan Zhan... why would I ever need another... I have all I need – right here, in my arms.  –  he smiled through tears.

- I am so sorry...  -  Lan Zhan sobbed. – I am so so sorry. What I did is unforgivable... It's a sin... Awful, horrible....

Wei Ying shuddered involuntarily at the memory, and Lan Zhan's heart froze.

- You cannot possibly forgive me, Wei Ying! I have no right to ask you back!  –  he cried.

Wei Ying just shook his head and caressed his face.

- Please, don't cry. There is no need for any more tears... we both have cried too many tears lately. True love means daily battles. It means compromising, sacrifices. But above all  –  true love means forgiveness.

He kissed Lan Zhan's forehead, trying to calm him down. He knew he was the only one who could do that.

- No girls, Lan Zhan... I don't need a girl to feel loved, or to have amazing sex.  –  Wei Ying winked and Lan Zhan wanted to sink into the ground. He was still amazed, after all those years, at the ease with which Wei Ying would talk about stuff like that.

- I love you. – he murmured. – I love you too much, it seems.

Wei Wuxian laughed.

- You know what they say – jealousy is the best proof of love! But why did you have to punish me so severely, Lan Zhan? You know this new body is not as good as the previous one? – Wei Ying asked.

- I swear, I am not ever putting another drop of alcohol in my mouth, ever. –  Lan Zhan grumbled. – I wanted you... I always want you...  -  he blushed.  –  But it was... all wrong in the end.

- You thought I was cheating on you? Really? With the Qinghe Nie Clan???  –  Wei Ying was laughing out loud now.

- I just want you just for myself... that's all... don't laugh at me, Wei Ying!  –  Lan Zhan grunted.

- But you already have me just for yourself, my heart. How is it possible you didn't know that?!  –  Wei Ying teased.

- I am an idiot. And I can never make amends enough.  –  he looked up and his face looked utterly miserable.

- Well, hmmm, Shizun, I might have to punish you too!  –  Wei Ying said grinning impishly.

- Should I be... scared?  –  Lan Zhan frowned. Wei Ying would sometimes get too carried away when it came to foreplay too  –  but in all the odd ways.

Wei Wuxian got to his feet and circled around to get on the bed and lie down next to Lan Zhan. He shifted his head and tried to move his hair too.

- No, no, don't move, Hanguang-Jun!  –  Wei Ying leaned in and adjusted the pillow and Lan Zhan's heavy hair.

- It is so maddening...  -  Lan Zhan whispered.  –  To feel you so close...

Wei Ying lied down as close to him as was possible. They could feel each other's breath on their faces.

- To feel your body next to mine... the heat from your body... the touch of your fingers...  -  Lan Zhan sighed. – You will never understand, never know, how much I miss you... How much I want you...

His face was burning, his eyes were bright. Wei Ying knew very well what all this meant. He cuddled closer, his hands caressing any possible open, unbandaged pieces of skin  –  Lan Zhan's face, shoulders, ribs... He moaned a little, closing his eyes, and now feeling Wei Ying's lips on his lips, on his neck, kissing his skin, eager and burning.

- I want you too, husband... I want to spend my life proving it to you.... –  Wei Ying murmured .  – There is no more space in my heart  –  I cannot share it with another... You have all my heart, Lan Zhan... All my heart, all my love.

- Don't let me go, Wei Ying...  -  Lan Zhan whispered breathlessly.

- No. Never.  –  Wei Ying replied seriously.  –  I need you too much, husband.